IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart shows the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who worked in five different jobs in one area of Australia in the years 2001 and 2008. The five types of work are Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing, and Farming. In general, Sales was the most popular job in both years,
while
Linking Words
 Farming had the least number of workers.
Also
Linking Words
, Computing and Nursing saw an increase, but Accounting and Farming had fewer
people
Use synonyms
 in 2008 compared to 2001. In 2001, around 150,000
people
Use synonyms
 worked in Sales, and it increased slightly in 2008 to about 165,000. Computing
also
Linking Words
 grew from around 60,000 to 80,000 in seven years. Nursing rose slightly too, from about 55,000 to over 60,000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 in Accounting dropped from around 65,000 in 2001 to 55,000 in 2008. Farming had the biggest fall, going from 30,000 to just 20,000.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the chart shows that more
people
Use synonyms
 worked in technology and health,
while
Linking Words
 fewer were in farming and accounting.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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