IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The chart provides data on the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 employed in five types of duties in one field of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
while
Linking Words
 Sales rates were the highest, indicators of farming
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the lowest over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
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 in
2001
Punctuation problem
2001,
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 Sales
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the biggest with about 155.000
people
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 rates of Computing and Nursing were
similiar
Correct your spelling
similar
 with 60.000 residents,the
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals who worked in Accounting was higher with 65.000. Farming was the lowest with 25.000
people
Use synonyms
, compared to other figures. Turning to 2008,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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employed in Sales was the largest (with approximately 163.000), compared to just under 60.000 inhabitants in Accounting.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the second-highest was Computing with
exact
Replace the word
exactly
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 80.000
Use synonyms
number of
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 who were busy with it. The indicators of Nursing and Farming were 60.000 and 20.000 residents, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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