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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart displays the number of Olympians between women and men have participated from 1924 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total of participants has increased over the years with females having the biggest rise in the
last
Linking Words
 year. In the early
period
Use synonyms
, males stood with 3,000 people
while
Linking Words
 the opposite genders almost did not participate.
However
Linking Words
, after that
period
Use synonyms
 it shows the entry of girls in the Olympics with one-fifth of the boys' numbers where the total of those was around 5,000 individuals. In 1984, both of them had slowly increased with a total participation of over 6,000,
which
Change preposition
of which
show examples
 girls were one-sixth from man. In the
last
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
, there is a jump rise from ladies that reach approximately 5,000
while
Linking Words
 the men had slight growth with 1,000 more individuals than other sex. In the future, it will be equally average between those numbers.
Additionally
Linking Words
, at the time, the total of contestants climbed and reached the peak being the highest all the time
period
Use synonyms
 at more than 10,000 players.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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