IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The provided line graph depicts data about
shops
Use synonyms
 that closed and the
number
Use synonyms
 of new
shops
Use synonyms
 in the same country during the period from 2011
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to 2018. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be seen, the noticeable changes concern the
shops
Use synonyms
 that are closed during the periods.
While
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
openings
Use synonyms
were fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
have fluctuated
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irregularly.
To begin
Linking Words
, about 6.500
shops
Use synonyms
 were closed in 2011,
while
Linking Words
 8.500 markets were opened in the same year.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
openings
Use synonyms
 speedily decreased to approximately 4000 in 2012 but after two years it moved upward above 6000.
However
Linking Words
, in 2015, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
openings
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
returned to its previous level
as
Change preposition
of
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three years ago.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
openings
Use synonyms
 remained stable
a
Remove the article
apply
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stability to 2017
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
when
show examples
 it dropped
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 3000.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of closures from 2011 to 2014 fluctuated slightly,
then
Linking Words
 quickly plummeted ( just about 500) in 2015.
However
Linking Words
, after
year
Correct article usage
a year
show examples
 the figure
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
climbed gradually to 5000.
Submitted by nurymbetova.aray on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, number, openings with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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