IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the average montrhly revenue from a retauil communication subscribers from eight countries.

The bar chart shows the average montrhly revenue from a retauil communication subscribers from eight countries.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar graph illustrates information
abou
Correct your spelling
about
 monthly
revenue
Use synonyms
 from retail a communication subscribers in four different continents, North America, Europe,
Ocenia
Correct your spelling
Oceania
 and Asia. The
revenues
Use synonyms
 are from monthly mobile
revenue
Use synonyms
, monthly
internet
Use synonyms
 and
data
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
 and monthly
telecommunication
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 monthly
telecommunication
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
 is the highest among all
revenues
Use synonyms
 in all
countries
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 from monthly
internet
Use synonyms
 and
data
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
,
countries
Use synonyms
 get slightly lower
Use synonyms
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
revenues
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
countries
Use synonyms
 get the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
revenue
Use synonyms
 from monthly mobile
revenue
Use synonyms
. Australia receives the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
telecommunication
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
 among all
countries
Use synonyms
 which is 109%
while
Linking Words
 in terms of
internet
Use synonyms
 and
data
Use synonyms
, Australia gets 78% of
revenue
Use synonyms
. Japan,
moreover
Linking Words
, gets the same
amount
Use synonyms
 of
revenue
Use synonyms
 for
telecommunication
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 and the
internet
Use synonyms
 and
data
Use synonyms
 which is 105%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the USA and Canada
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 90% and 87% of
revenues
Use synonyms
 respectively for
telecommunication
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, Canada gets the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
revenue
Use synonyms
 from monthly mobile benefits among all
countries
Use synonyms
 which is 53%. Meanwhile, Italy gets the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
revenue
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 regard which is 23%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words revenue, revenues, internet, data, telecommunication, services, countries, amount with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: