IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the media, such as newspapers, should be allowed to publish information about people’s private lives. Others, however, think that there should be controls to stop this media from providing this kind of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that media channels should have the right to publish personal
information
Use synonyms
 about
people
Use synonyms
's lives, others disagree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective. In my opinion, governments should implement strict policies that aim to protect
people
Use synonyms
's privacy, as publishing private
information
Use synonyms
 can negatively impact them.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both viewpoints before presenting my position. On the one hand, releasing private
information
Use synonyms
 about
people
Use synonyms
 is financially beneficial for the owners of the
news
Use synonyms
 companies.
For example
Linking Words
, celebrities' personal updates can increase the platform's viewers, resulting in a massive financial profit.
This
Linking Words
 illustrates the reason behind the request made by
news
Use synonyms
 companies to allow them to publish
this
Linking Words
 kind of
news
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
's privacy should be protected with strict regulations that deter any violator from publishing
such
Linking Words
news
Use synonyms
. One key reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that exposing private
information
Use synonyms
 can be dangerous for
people
Use synonyms
's security.
For instance
Linking Words
, releasing the home address of a football player can influence the fans to go there which will bother the player, and in some cases, it can make the player feel unsafe.
Therefore
Linking Words
, publishing personal
information
Use synonyms
 should be banned, as it can lead to serious consequences for some individuals, especially celebrities. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different viewpoints, I tend to believe that the authorisation to release private
information
Use synonyms
 should never be given to the media sector because of the potential risks that can be imposed
due to
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, controlling
news
Use synonyms
 channels can be done with governmental assistance only;
therefore
Linking Words
, implementing strict laws can be
affective
Correct your spelling
effective
show examples
 in limiting these kinds of violations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

positive
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the essay's structure. Good job!
advice
In your main body paragraphs, try to include more specific examples or illustrations to strengthen your arguments.
advice
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that connects to your opinion. This will help with clarity.
advice
In your conclusion, repeat your main points a bit more to reinforce your position for the reader.
positive
You have a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
positive
Your opinion is clear and consistent throughout the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: