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Writing Samples
Band 8

it is shown that many criminals have a low level of education. Some people argue that the best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals in prison to help them find jobs when they leave prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that
education
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 is fundamental for all human beings.
While
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 there is a commonly held belief that criminals have a low standard of
education
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 and that educating them could help reduce the
crime
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 rate, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that judging criminals should not focus primarily on punishing them but on improving their
education
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 as well.
To begin
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 with, in
prisons
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 where offenders are incarcerated for violating the law, one method has proven its efficiency to some extent.
In other words
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, isolating those who committed crimes from the community is mainly intended to protect
society
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 from harm.
However
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, prison sentences are limited, and after serving their time, inmates will eventually return to
society
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.
For example
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, if a burglar completes their sentence, the question arises: have the underlying reasons that led the burglar to commit the
crime
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 been eliminated? Another point to consider, criminals often have poor financial status
as well as
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 low levels of
education
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that poverty is a shared factor among offenders. Regardless of their reason for committing crimes, prison authorities must impose rehabilitation programs to improve inmates’ skills and to prepare them to fit back into
society
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.
According to
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 studies in the UK, the cost of operating
prisons
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 is significantly high. Several countries
such
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 as the Netherlands have transformed many
prisons
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 into rehabilitation centres,
as a result
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, they found that the
crime
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 rate dropped by 5%. In conclusion, despite differing opinions, I firmly believe that authorities must reconsider the primary purpose of
prisons
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. By providing educational programs to inmates,
society
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 can reduce the
crime
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 rate and help former offenders reintegrate successfully.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more detailed explanation or example of how educational programs can effectively reduce crime rates in specific contexts. This would strengthen the argument and show a deeper level of analysis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are seamless to enhance the flow of the essay. For example, using transitional phrases can make the connection between ideas clearer.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, effectively setting the stage and summarizing your viewpoints.
task achievement
You provided a relevant and specific example regarding the Netherlands and how rehabilitation centers impacted crime rates, which adds credibility to your argument.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focused on a central idea, contributing to an overall cohesive argument.
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