In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, there are numerous young people rather
to
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apply

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enrol in work-based training than attending formal education in
university
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in several countries.
Although
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

there are surely some positive sides, I would argue that these are
outweighted
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outweighed

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by the drawbacks.
To begin
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, there has been a growing belief that
by
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apply

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choosing work-based training
instead
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of
university
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

courses,
it
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apply

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may lead to an easy way to
finding
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find

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a job.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can be explained by the fact that there
are
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is

The plural form of be are does not seem to agree with the singular subject a popular stigma. Consider changing the verb form.

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a popular stigma among the people that
the
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apply

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many
company
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companies

The singular countable noun company follows the quantifier many, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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nowadays prefer to seek a candidate who
are
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is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject a candidate. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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ready to work.
Therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, young generations tend to
chose
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choose

It appears that the verb chose should be in the base form as part of the to-infinitive following tend. Consider changing the verb form.

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working training since it is only focusing a practical and necessary skills before entering
professional
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the professional

The noun phrase professional world seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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world. Indeed, it is true that mostly, training activities
focusing
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focus

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to produce
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on producing

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someone with practical skills that ready to work.
However
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
by
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apply

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choosing working training
than
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over

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formal education does not provide any guarantee
to get
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of getting

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hired faster than
university
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

students. In fact, recent studies conducted by the
University
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of Diponegoro
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show

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that mainly, recruiters still prioritize a candidate from a well-known
university
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as well as
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

an excellent grade to
be consider
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be considered

It appears that the form of the verb consider does not work with be in this sentence.

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as one of their
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees

The singular countable noun employee follows the quantifier one of, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

shows that the reputation of attending
university
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

still
hold
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holds

The verb hold does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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an important role
to
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in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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applying for a job position.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, by attending work-based training,
young
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the young

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generation could
no
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not

The word no doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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get
the
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apply

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exposure to studying from a respectful figure from both academic and professional
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds

It seems that background may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

may be caused by the fact that many trainers only come from a related professional background without having some
academical achieving
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academic achievement

The word academical achieving doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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.
Hence
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the quality of people who graduate from
university
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
the one
Correct your spelling
those

The word the one doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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who only enrolled in work-based training will be different. In conclusion, despite the existence of some advantages, I believe that the disadvantages of
enrol
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enrolling

The verb enrol may be in the wrong form after the preposition of. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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in work-based training are far greater, making them outweigh the existing
of
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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advantages.

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task achievement
Ensure your argument is more balanced by clearly outlining both sides before arguing if one outweighs the other. Additionally, address the prompt directly by making your argument clear from the start.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each point in your essay flows logically into the next. You can improve logical structure by using clear linking words between your paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present and provide a framework for your essay. This gives a clear overview of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay topic is addressed with attempts at providing specific reasoning and examples, indicating an effort to address task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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