IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The charts below show the percentage of Australian men in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The charts below show the percentage of Australian men in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014.
#minutes #show #percentage #australian #men #three #age #groups
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 and
men
 who
employed
Add a missing verb
were employed
show examples
 in 1984,2001and2014 in three age groups.
Overall
,
it is clear that
men
 have the highest
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
employment
 in all different ages.
Men
 who are between 35-44 have the highest
employment
.Women are lower in
employment
 compared to
men
. On the one hand ,
Men
 who are 35-44
years
have
Correct word choice
old have
show examples
 a steady proportion which is 80% in all groups of age,where the percentage of
men
 who are 15-19
years
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreased over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 , but
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 are 60-64 got increased over
years
 start from 40% in 1984 to reach above 60% in 2014.
On the other hand
 ,
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 15-19 have
unnoticeable
Add an article
an unnoticeable
show examples
 climb of
employment
 which is
approximitely
Correct your spelling
approximately
 60% , the age of 35-44
years
 have a steady climb to peak 80% which is the highest level of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 who got employed in 2014.
Moreover
, the group of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 who had the lowest chance to
employ
Wrong verb form
be employed
show examples
 is from 60-64
years
,
Correct word choice
old, it
show examples
it started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from 10% in 1984 to
end
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 40% in 2014.
Submitted by fatmalfarsi09 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words woman, men, employment, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "climb" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment trends
  • age groups
  • significant changes
  • employment rates
  • economic shifts
  • technological advancements
  • societal changes
  • policy-making
  • workforce participation
  • labor market dynamics
  • demographic shifts
  • career longevity
  • early retirement
  • job market competitiveness
  • technological unemployment
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