IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people are moving from rural areas to big cities. Why has this happened? To what extent do you think it is a good trend?

#people #areas #cities #trend
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People
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 are migrating from
countryside
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the countryside
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 to urban
areas
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 because of better
life style
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lifestyle
show examples
 and opportunities. But I believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend has negative aspects for society and
people
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 owing to various reasons. There are various reasons by citizens are moving from rural
areas
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 to big
cities
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.
Firstly
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, job opportunities are available in the
cities
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 which can help
people
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 to enhance their
life style
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lifestyle
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. They can afford expensive cars,
house
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houses
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 and clothes which can not be possible
at
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in
show examples
 a place with fewer
vacanices
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vacancies
.
The another
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Another
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 reason can be a better education system. In small places schools and colleges
does
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do
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 not provide quality
of
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apply
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education and they might need qualified and
experience
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experienced
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 teachers especially if
youngers
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younger
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 want to become doctors and engineers. They need to move to a place with more
theortical
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theoretical
 and practical aspects so for them urban
areas
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 are
best
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the best
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 place.
Moreover
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, to set up their business
boundries
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boundaries
 big
cities
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 play a crucial role. It
assist
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assists
show examples
people
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 to make connections to expand their businesses.
However
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,
this
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 phenomenon has some dark sides. It leads to pollution in urban
areas
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. When
cities
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 become overcrowded, there may be
rise
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a rise
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 in pollution because
number
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the number
a number
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 of cars on the roads will be exceeded. There may be
entry
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the entry
an entry
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 of more public transport and they all will contribute to air pollution.
Also
Linking Words
, to fulfil the housing needs of
people
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, new houses will be
contructed
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constructed
 by replacing green spaces which can
effect
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affect
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 the ecosystem.
Thus
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,
this
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 will
imapct
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impact
 on the health of
people
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 and on the environment.
Additionally
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,
cities
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 may become unaffordable with
rise
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the rise
a rise
show examples
 in population. There will be
notable
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a notable
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 shift in
prices
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the prices
show examples
 of houses and groceries.
For example
Linking Words
, the price of houses has a connection with population. If
level
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the level
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 of population is higher, prices will be exceeded.
Aa
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As
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 a result, it will be hard for
people
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 to manage
the
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their
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 expenses
according to
Linking Words
 their budget. In conclusion, it is true that
people
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 are moving to urban places for better life and employment
opprtunities
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opportunities
.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 leads to overpopulation and
rise
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a rise
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 in
prices
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the prices
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 of amenities. Which is a negative trend for
people
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 and
government
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the government
show examples
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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