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Writing Samples
Band 8

Many people today find it difficult to balance demands of their work and personal life. What are the causes of this situation and what can individuals and employers do to reduce the problem,

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Nowadays the topic of
work
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-life imbalance is a great concern in our modern society. There are several factors that lead to
this
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 and two key solutions that we will discuss below. The main cause of
this
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 issue is perhaps the loss of extended family members who live together in the same house. As observed in Asian countries like Malaysia and Indonesia, the presence of grandparents in the household is undeniably helpful by offering support to the nuclear family in terms of child care, sharing house chores and even emotional support that will lessen the burden of the parents.
Furthermore
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, it seems that the cost of childcare nowadays is intolerably high, leading to financial worries.
Consequently
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, individuals tend to
work
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 overtime or even take on more tasks which
further
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 exacerbates
this
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 problem.
In addition
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, neglecting self-care by prioritizing
work
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 over one’s own health may lead to exhaustion and depression. Turning to the possible solutions, it appears that a more flexible company policy
such
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 as allowing employees to
work
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 from home may reduce time spent commuting to
work
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, save expenses and reduce psychological distress.
Next,
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if childcare centres were subsidized and many more were made available by the government, people could save more money to spend on their leisure time.
Finally
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, effective time management by creating a proper
work
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 schedule and taking regular breaks might reduce burnout in the workplace.
To conclude
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, social isolation and financial difficulties are the roots of these problems. The major solutions include government subsidiaries, impoverished company policy and individual coping skills.

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task achievement
You have effectively addressed both parts of the task by identifying causes and suggesting solutions. Consider enhancing the explanation of your points with more specific examples or evidence to further support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is fully developed with clear connections between ideas. Some transitions between points could be smoother for improved flow.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining the topic and summarizing your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with distinct paragraphs addressing causes and solutions.
task achievement
You gave a balanced response by discussing both causes and solutions, meeting the task requirements.
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