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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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In recent years,
children
 have been spending long hours on their
phones
. The main reason for
this
 phenomenon is that
smartphones
 provide entertainment for
children
.
However
, from my perspective,
this
 has a negative impact on a child’s brain development. Many
children
 have become recently glued to their screens for a long time to get enjoyment.
Smartphones
 offer enjoyment for kids through games, video and social media, which make them addicted to using their
phones
 on a regular basis without a sense of time because these devices are designed to force people and
children
 to use them and make them engage and have fun.
For example
, the iPhone has thousands of games on the App Store that are created only for
children
 over 2 years which makes parents feel more comfortable when they download them for their child. It is considered that spending long hours in front of screens especially, for
children
 is extremely harmful to their mental and physical health.
Smartphones
 can cause damage to kid’s brain cells
due to
 electromagnetic radiation that comes from screen lights.
Additionally
, using
phones
 prevents
children
 from thinking and solving problems normally.
For instance
, Oxford University has studied using
phones
 for
children
, and comparing
children
 playing on
phones
 and others playing with traditional toys, it is found that those who use
phones
 in a daily routine can not focus, and they can concentrate only for l a moment, unlike other
children
 who were more concentrating when they solved problems. Having said that l believe that
smartphones
 have side effects on kid’s thinking and productivity . In conclusion,
children
 like to use
phones
 for long hours because it gives them a sense of enjoyment.
However
, from my point of view,
this
 has negative effects on a child’s mind development because of the distractions light and radiation that come from these devices.
Submitted by ghazl.1998g on

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task achievement
Provide more relevant specific examples to support your points. For instance, consider using statistical data or case studies that show the impact of smartphone usage on children's health or development.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the flow of your essay. Consider using cohesive devices like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'on the contrary'.
task achievement
The essay provides a generally clear response to the task with a logical argument against the excessive use of smartphones by children.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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