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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that employers should ensure a pleasant working environment so that workers feel valued and will therefore work hard. Others feel that employers should be stricter with employees and monitor them closely to ensure they work hard. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Many people believe that employers should create a friendly and supportive workplace so
employees
Use synonyms
 feel appreciated and become more productive.
However
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, others argue that strict supervision and close monitoring are necessary to ensure
workers
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 perform efficiently.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before explaining why I believe a balanced and positive working
environment
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 is more effective in the long term.
Body · 1
On the one hand, providing a pleasant working
environment
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 can significantly improve
employees
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’ motivation and productivity. When
workers
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 feel respected and valued, they are more likely to develop loyalty toward their company and willingly put more effort into their tasks.
For example
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, companies that offer flexible working hours, rewards, and supportive management often experience lower staff turnover and higher job satisfaction.
Furthermore
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, a healthy
environment
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 encourages teamwork and creativity because
employees
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 feel comfortable sharing ideas without fear of criticism.
As a result
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, businesses can benefit from improved innovation and stronger
overall
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 performance.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, some people think that employers need to be strict and carefully monitor staff to maintain discipline and efficiency. In certain industries,
such
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 as manufacturing or customer service, close supervision may help prevent mistakes and ensure
employees
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 follow company procedures correctly.
In addition
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, some
workers
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 may become less productive if there are no clear rules or accountability systems.
Therefore
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, regular monitoring and strict management can help employers maintain high standards and achieve business goals more effectively.
Body · 3
In my opinion,
although
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 a certain level of supervision is necessary, creating a supportive and pleasant workplace is generally a better approach. Excessive control may cause stress and reduce morale, leading
employees
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 to feel pressured rather than motivated.
By contrast
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,
workers
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 who feel trusted and appreciated are more likely to work hard willingly and remain committed to their
organization
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organisation
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 strict monitoring can help maintain discipline and productivity, a positive working
environment
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 is usually more beneficial because it increases employee satisfaction, loyalty, and long-term performance.

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task response
For task response, your answer covers both views and gives your opinion clearly. To be stronger, you can add one more very clear real example for the strict side.
task response
For task response, your ideas are clear, but some points are a bit general. Try to explain exactly how monitoring helps workers in daily work.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and each paragraph has one main idea. To improve more, you can make links between sentences a little smoother.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your conclusion is clear and matches your opinion well. You can make the second body paragraph more fully developed with one extra supporting detail.
task response
For task response, you answered all parts of the question and gave a clear opinion.
task response
For task response, you discussed both sides in a fair way before giving your own view.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas move in a logical order and are easy to understand.
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