The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, some people believe that kids should have gadgets to avoid being outdated with modernity in the present world. I strongly disagree with
this
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statement because it hinders
children
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’s growth and
also
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negatively impacts their character development.
Firstly
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, mobile phones make many
children
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addicted, causing them to play for several hours in the same place, focusing solely on their screens.
This
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excessive screen time negatively affects their physical growth as it limits their engagement in outdoor activities, which are crucial for developing motor skills and physical fitness.
For instance
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,
instead
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of running or playing sports in the field with friends, many
children
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spend hours sitting to play online games or just scrolling reels on YouTube, leading to a sedentary lifestyle that can result in obesity or other health issues.
Secondly
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,
internet
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the internet
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provides broad content and information without filters, allowing anything typed to appear regardless of the user’s age. When minors can access
this
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, they may begin to view adult content more often, which can be bad for their character development.
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, kids tend to mimic anything they see, and today, many videos include content where people frequently use curse words.
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,
children
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may imitate
this
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behaviour and start speaking impolitely to everyone, including the elderly. In conclusion, it is an unwise decision to permit
children
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to use mobile phones
due to
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their detrimental impacts on their lives, especially on physical health and behaviour. Parents,
however
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, should play an important role in controlling their
children
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’s screen time and activities.

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task achievement
Enhance your argument by providing more specific examples or statistics that support your points. This will strengthen your position and help achieve a higher score in the 'relevant specific examples' criterion.
task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion by acknowledging the counter-arguments. While your essay focuses strongly on the negative impacts, briefly discussing possible positives in a balanced way can improve overall task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Consider developing a separate paragraph that clearly addresses the potential benefits or counterarguments and refutes them. This will improve the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which clearly state the position and summarize the arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas throughout the body paragraphs is evident, enhancing readability and understanding.
task achievement
Each main point is supported with relevant detail, contributing to a clear and comprehensive presentation of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • absolute necessity
  • emergencies
  • GPS features
  • educational apps
  • online resources
  • social connectivity
  • social skills
  • tech-centric world
  • proficient
  • cyberbullying
  • inappropriate content
  • screen addiction
  • adverse effects
  • mental health
  • parental control apps
  • monitor
  • activities
  • distraction
  • academic performance
  • health concerns
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • sleep disturbances
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