Some peop/e think it is no longer necessary /'or children fo go fo school because ffiey can do all their learning on//ne. Others gei/ev’e learning in schools is essential. Discuss both views and give yot/r opinion.

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In these
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These
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days, there is ongoing debate regarding educational methods. In
consequence
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consequence,
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opinions are divided, some sections of society hold an opinion that online education is enough to secure their learning,
whereas
others consider that it is still important
their
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to their
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presence in school. I absolutely agree with
this
latter point and
this
essay
contents
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contains
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some of my main reasons. As far as children studying online, there are several arguments to support the notion of learning
throught
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through
throughout
the internet.
This
idea has been supported by the fact that any subject can be found in the network.
For example
, if a teenager wants to specialize
on
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in
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Videogame development, there are several resources available,
as
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apply
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if a kid wants to be an
artists
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artist
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or a language teacher, many videos, courses or
text
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texts
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will be online.
However
, as
i
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I
show examples
see
this
, children still
need
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need to
show examples
develop social skills and learn how to live in society. The first and foremost reason to advocate that learners must be present at school centres is social skill development.
In other words
, childhood should be shared with some equals, as
this
is important even to tell what
menas
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means
doing the right thing or the wrong one in community.
Additionally
, helping each other is relevant
wether
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whether
show examples
to reach collective or individual achievements.
For instance
, countries like Japan or Finland where people grow up
issolated
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isolated
, do not see
neighbors
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neighbours
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nor
colleages
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colleagues
as support,
while
other countries like Argentina, Chile and Uruguay base their learning
in
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on
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how you relate with other people, and
this
becomes
in
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apply
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a very united
comunity
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community
. In conclusion,
although
there are
who
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those who
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support the idea of online education as
suficient
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sufficient
to cover complete knowledge,
i
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I
show examples
must insist that youth need
share
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to share
show examples
experiences with more people.
Therefore
, how to get close
with
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to
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others is
an
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a
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skill that
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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be found on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
Submitted by dannyrrng33 on

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly sets out both sides of the argument and your opinion, which it does nicely here. Continue to refine your reasoning and examples so they clearly relate directly to your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical progression of your ideas by using linking words to show the relationship between points more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
While you have a solid conclusion, try to ensure all parts of your argument are fully integrated and supported throughout your essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides specific examples that effectively strengthen your points, such as referring to different countries and their approaches to education.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are clear and align well with your main argument.
task achievement
You provide strong reasons why you think in-person schooling is important, focusing particularly on social skills.
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