IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some peop/e think it is no longer necessary /'or children fo go fo school because ffiey can do all their learning on//ne. Others gei/ev’e learning in schools is essential. Discuss both views and give yot/r opinion

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These days, there is ongoing debate regarding educational methods. In consequence, opinions are divided, some sections of society hold an opinion that online education is enough to secure their learning,
whereas
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 others consider that it is still important
their
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to their
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 presence in school. I absolutely agree with
this
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 latter point and
this
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 essay contains some of my main reasons. As far as children studying online, there are several arguments to support the notion of learning through the internet.
This
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 idea has been supported by the fact that any subject can be found in the network.
For example
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, if a teenager wants to specialize in
Videogame
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video game
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 development, there are several resources available, if a kid wants to be an artist or a language teacher, many videos, courses or texts will be online.
However
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, as
i
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I
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 see
this
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, children still need to develop social skills and learn how to live in society. The first and foremost reason to advocate that learners must be present at school centres is social skill development.
In other words
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, childhood should be shared with some equals, as
this
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 is important even to tell what means doing the right thing or the wrong one in
community
Correct article usage
the community
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.
Additionally
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, helping each other is relevant whether to reach collective or individual achievements.
For instance
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, countries like Japan or Finland where people grow up isolated, do not see neighbours
nor
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or
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 colleagues as support,
while
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 other countries like Argentina, Chile and Uruguay base their learning
in
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on
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 how you relate with other people, and
this
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 becomes a very united community. In conclusion,
although
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 there are those who support the idea of online education as sufficient to cover complete knowledge,
i
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I
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 must insist that youth need to share experiences with more people.
Therefore
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, how to get close to others is a skill that cannot be found on the internet.

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task achievement
In your essay, while you provided solid arguments for both sides of the debate, ensure that each point is directly linked to the topic question. For instance, you mentioned countries like Japan and Finland but didn't clearly connect these examples to the core value of social skills developed at school.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, you can enhance coherence by clearly linking back to the topic sentence in each paragraph to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the debate topic and clearly states your opinion.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both sides before giving your own opinion, which fulfills the task requirements well.
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