Some people think that parents have an powerful influence in child's life, while the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part of child's development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The is no denying the fact that some individuals
beleive
parents Correct your spelling
believe
got
Verb problem
have
strong
impact Correct article usage
a strong
in
Change preposition
on
kid's
Correct article usage
a kid's
life
. Use synonyms
While
it is a commonly held belief that external impact outside Linking Words
Use synonyms
home
has more influence Add an article
the home
to
Change preposition
on
child's
development, there Correct article usage
a child's
Linking Words
also
an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that outside the Add a missing verb
is also
home
plays Use synonyms
significant
role in Add an article
a significant
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
life
.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, children spend most of their Linking Words
time
outside Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their homes
homes
, which Fix the agreement mistake
home
apslotly
reflects on their Correct your spelling
aptly
life
. Use synonyms
In other
Linking Words
words
kids stay in school Add a comma
words,
more
than 8 hours and Change preposition
for more
this
is more than what they spend with their parents. Linking Words
In addition
, friends in school or the gym change Linking Words
youngs
behaviour because of Correct your spelling
young
long
Add an article
a long
the long
time
they have together and the similarity in ages. Use synonyms
For instance
, getting information from your peer might be accepted more than your father.
Another point to consider, we are in Linking Words
social
media era, and they have the most influence. It is possible to say that even Correct article usage
the social
the
Correct word choice
if the
child's
Change noun form
child
stayed
at Wrong verb form
stays
house
new platforms will take most of his Correct your spelling
home
time
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, there Linking Words
is
many Change the verb form
are
succesful
stories in social media that impact young's to do more. Correct your spelling
successful
For example
, watching a video for the story of establishing the big companies in our world Linking Words
tought
kids about Correct your spelling
taught
enterpenore
and Correct your spelling
intervenor
start up
companies Add a hyphen
start-up
life
, which encourages them to establish in the future.
In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that outside Use synonyms
Use synonyms
home
Correct article usage
the home
had
the biggest influence Wrong verb form
has
for
young's development because of the Change preposition
on
time
they spend outside Use synonyms
Use synonyms
home
and Add an article
the home
also
the more stories Linking Words
in
the new platforms.Change preposition
on
Submitted by abdallah550603 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance and the main points are well-supported. However, ensure that you fully develop each point with more specific examples or explanations to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain more consistency in your tense usage and correct minor spelling errors like 'beleive' to 'believe' and 'apslotly' to 'absolutely'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction that clearly presents the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically progresses with reasons to support the viewpoint.
task achievement
You have effectively pointed out real-world examples of how external influences can shape a child's development.