Nowadays young people are more inclined towards mobile phones and Internet. Some people say that they should not use it. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Mobile
phones
Use synonyms
and
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
have changed the way the world communicates. Nowadays it is rare to find someone not using mobile
phones
Use synonyms
and
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
.
Young
Correct article usage
The young
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generation nowadays
are
Change the verb form
is
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getting more addicted towards using mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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and
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
. Some believe that they should avoid using it more and more. I agree with the statement that youngsters should avoid using mobile and
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
in excess. There are many reasons justifying my
view point
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viewpoint
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, mobile
phones
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resort
Verb problem
encourage
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people to adopt sedentary lifestyles because they spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of
the
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their
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time
to surf
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surfing
show examples
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
and
play
Wrong verb form
playing
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online games. Obviously,
this
Linking Words
activity causes some
illness
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illnesses
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such
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as myopia and obesity.
Secondly
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,
over usage
Correct your spelling
overuse
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of mobile technology is leading to distraction from their studies.
For instance
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,
over usage
Correct your spelling
overuse
show examples
of mobile and
Internet
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is leading to the deterioration of reading and writing skills.
Furthermore
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, mobile
phones
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are
also
Linking Words
responsible for difficulty in concentration, fatigue, headaches and sleep disturbance that can
further
Linking Words
trigger health complications.
For example
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, owing to
late night
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late-night
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use of mobile
phones
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters skimp on sleep which
further
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causes health consequences.
This
Linking Words
has made them aggressive and irritated.
In addition
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to
this
Linking Words
, people addicted to the
internet
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and computers have a lack of self-confidence and a tendency to feel shy in public. They are not capable
to make
Change preposition
of making
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a circle of friends as normal people do in their lives. 
Thus
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, the use of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
and
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
should be minimized and it should be used under the guidance of the parents. To conclude, even though mobile
phones
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provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
flexibility in terms of communication, I still believe that, there are many negative effects of mobile
phones
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which include health issues, wavering concentration and lack of confidence that can interrupt humans' lives in many ways.
Submitted by parthsolanki48963 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve clarity and avoid repetition by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a different aspect of the argument.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a coherent framework for your argument.
task achievement
You provide a complete response to the question, addressing both suggested viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas which supports the overall narrative of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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