Every man has a right to proper healthcare. However, private hospitals nowadays are so profit-oriented that they are distracted from providing proper healthcare facilities. In your opinion, is this profit-making tendency a hindrance to proper healthcare ?

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healthcare system is
one
of the basic needs which should be available for all
people
.
while
these days some of the private
hospitals
changed their rules to get a better profit from
people
. I overwhelmingly disagree with
this
mindset .
one
of the main reasons for
this
is the reduced level of the healthcare system , which leads to the spread of the disease more quickly. When
people
notice that , they can not pay for their treatment to recover themselves
this
incident motivates them to leave their healing process and
as a result
, the rate of the disease will be significantly increased .
Moreover
,
people
are extremely worried about being sick by knowing how much they have to pay to the
hospitals
. financial burden is another critical factor . In private
hospitals
people
have to pay a huge number of their money to receive better
care
otherwise
no
one
really pays attention to them .
This
perspective can create a lot of concerns around
this
aspect of these places which , encourages
people
to work hard or ask help from other
people
to
one
day receive the best possible
care
.
Moreover
, it significantly affects their well-being and mentality . When someone after a long time still can not pay the cost of
such
basic facilities how he should hope for a better future
this
leads to an increase in the number of
people
who are struggling with depression and frustration . In conclusion , some
people
argue that these
hospitals
should be only related to the
people
who are rich to take
care
of them completely . I strongly reject
this
notion . It is true that
such
places offer high-quality
care
, but when they are especially allocated to specific
people
how we can argue that we are providing
this
system for all of the
people
.
Change the punctuation
?
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I believe that by managing the payment of
such
places we can somehow control them . Healthcare is
one
of the most essential parts of over lives and we should prepare it for all
people
.
Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly defines the stance and sets the stage for a structured argument. Consider adding a thesis statement that encompasses your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs in a more coherent way by explicitly linking ideas and using transitions to improve the flow between arguments.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples and evidence to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
task achievement
The essay maintains a clear stance against the profit-oriented nature of private hospitals and supports it with multiple arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, providing a sense of closure and summarizing key points.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both the economic and emotional impacts of profit-driven healthcare, showcasing an understanding of the issue.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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