Some people believe that research into family history is useful, while others claim that the present and future are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people argue that investigating family
history
is worthwhile,
while
others emphasize the importance of present and future.
To begin
with, advocates assert that
individuals
can gain a better understanding of their ancestors by researching their family
history
.
This
knowledge can help them understand their ancestor’s struggles and achievements, enabling them to learn from past mistakes and even foster a sense of belonging and pride.
Additionally
, family
history
can reveal the risk of health or genetic problems, allowing them to make informed decisions about their well-being.
For example
, if there is a family
history
of diseases
such
as diabetes, they can take preventive measures to reduce the likelihood of developing
such
conditions.
Consequently
, researching family
history
not only provides
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
insight into historical heritage but
also
helps people prevent dangerous diseases.
While
family
history
provides a better understanding of the past, opponents focus on the importance of present and future relationships. They believe that
individuals
should close the doors of the past and strengthen their current connection with others because doing so can have long-term impacts on their lives.
For instance
, when
individuals
invest their time and effort in enhancing relationships with friends, family, colleagues, and others, potentially cultivating a sense of empathy and compassion. I am of the opinion that
although
family
history
is important, today,
people-whether
Correct word choice
apply
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seniors or
adolescents-have
Correct your spelling
adolescents
show examples
prioritized
Wrong verb form
prioritise
show examples
the outcomes of present and future connections, driving them to achieve their goals. In conclusion,
while
the significance of family
history
is not overestimated, as it provides an insight into
history
, tradition, and cultural heritage, I believe that
this
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
not
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
a valid reason.
This
is because
individuals
' preferences have evolved, and many prioritize having intimate relationships. Provide scores
Submitted by hongminh317 on

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Task Achievement
Work on making the introduction stronger by defining the terms 'family history' and 'present and future importance' to capture the reader's attention effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas, especially when shifting from discussing the benefits of family history to the importance of present and future connections.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion on the topic by evaluating both perspectives clearly.
Task Achievement
The conclusion is strong and effectively summarizes the central arguments of the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay employs relevant examples, such as discussing health issues, which aid in clearly illustrating the points made.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea and is logically structured to maintain coherence throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
General ideas transition smoothly, creating a coherent flow of thoughts in the writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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