IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that technological advancement leads to a loss of privacy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #advancement #loss #privacy
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There is no denying the fact that technological innovation
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to a loss of
privacy
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 is a commonly held belief that
people
Use synonyms
 axiom that
technology
Use synonyms
 nowadays has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on our private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument
Change preposition
for that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 opposite. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 consider that
privacy
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
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 essential and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be considered when it comes to
technology
Use synonyms
 these days.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
to protect
Change the verb form
protecting
show examples
 and
preserve
Wrong verb form
preserving
show examples
privacy
Use synonyms
 in terms of technological advancement requires a lot of maintaining limitations of
technology
Use synonyms
 and
time
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, we need to limit our screen
time
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, not all
people
Use synonyms
 can afford
time
Use synonyms
 and maintain their screen
time
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their work online.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 these days
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 from their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
 on because of meetings, so they need to use
technology
Use synonyms
 and for that, it can expose a lot of
privacy
Use synonyms
 to the world. Another point to consider
,
Add a missing verb
is, ww
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ww
Correct your spelling
we
 can
avoids
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
 most of the leaks of
privacy
Use synonyms
 following some simple steps. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that our routine plays
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in helping us have good and secure
privacy
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 who study or have a lot of meetings online it is difficult for them to maintain their own
privacy
Use synonyms
, but there will be some tips that will help them with
this
Linking Words
 problem.
For instance
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 they are working I suggest that they should be in
isolated
Add an article
an isolated
show examples
 room away from any personal property or space considered
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the camera. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that technological advancement has surely made
people
Use synonyms
 more uncomfortable with
privacy
Use synonyms
had been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 exposed to the world.
Submitted by rnoo95366 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on maintaining a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Use paragraphs to separate different ideas and make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. Illustrative examples can make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your ideas to make them comprehensive and clearer. This will help in fully addressing the essay question.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a well-rounded structure.
task achievement
Your argument acknowledges different perspectives on the topic, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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