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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, increasing number of health problems as a result of eating too much fast food.government should impose higher tax rate on fast food agree or disagree

#countries #health #food #government #tax #rate
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In some countries, eating too much fast
food
 is the result of an increasing number of
health
 issues. I tend to opinion that the government should impose a higher tax rate on fast
food
. In
this
 essay. As researchers published in medical journals, fast
food
consumption
 has been linked to various
health
 problems, including obesity, heart failure, and diabetes. so, the government is responsible for helping researchers
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
control
this
 issue by imposing higher
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on fast
food
 could
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 its
consumption
 by making it less affordable, especially for low-income groups. Higher
taxes
 on fast
food
 could generate additional revenue for the government, which can be used to fund public
health
 initiatives. In some countries, similar measures have been effective in reducing the
consumption
 of tobacco and sugary drinks. Meanwhile, critics argue that higher
taxes
 on fast
food
 could inappropriately affect lower-income individuals and families. There might be resistance from the fast industry, which could claim that
such
taxes
 could lead to job losses and economic downturns. in conclusion, education and awareness campaigns can be an alternative or complementary approach to higher
taxes
 in combating
health
 problems caused by fast
food
consumption
.
Submitted by zr.a.r on

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coherence cohesion
Consider expanding the introduction to include a brief overview of the main points you will discuss. This will help set the stage for the reader.
task achievement
Make sure to fully elaborate and provide more specific examples for each point you make. This will strengthen your argument and support your stance.
coherence cohesion
Introduce topic sentences and connecting phrases at the start of each paragraph to improve flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the conclusion by summarizing the main points and restating your opinion more conclusively.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion in response to the task by agreeing that the government should impose higher taxes on fast food.
task achievement
You've mentioned relevant examples, such as the comparison to taxes on tobacco and sugary drinks, indicating your awareness of similar measures.
coherence cohesion
You've presented a balanced view by acknowledging potential counterarguments regarding the economic impact and effect on lower-income individuals.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • heart disease
  • diabetes
  • affordable
  • lower-income groups
  • public health initiatives
  • generate additional revenue
  • effective
  • consumption
  • disproportionately
  • resistance
  • economic downturns
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • complementary approach
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