IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statment?

#government #money #railways #roads #statment
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In
this
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 era, whether governments should focus more on
railway
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 development rather than roads has become a topic of discussion. I totally agree that more funds must be given to railroads
due to
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 the importance of public transport for marginal people
as well as
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 its potential to alleviate traffic
congestion
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.
Firstly
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, the improvement of public transport, especially the train system, can be beneficial for someone who does not have the privilege to own a private vehicle. With the accessibility of the railroad, they can access many facilities
such
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 as educational access and employment opportunities.
For example
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, people who live in the neighbouring city of Jakarta
such
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 as Bekasi and Depok now have the opportunity to seek jobs in the city without needing to rent an apartment, as they can rely on the
railway
Use synonyms
 system as their primary mode of transportation.
Consequently
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, the progression of rail infrastructure offers substantial accessibility advantages for economically disadvantaged groups
Secondly
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, urban
road
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congestion
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 can be mitigated with the establishment of efficient
railway
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 systems. Expanding
road
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 networks often exacerbate traffic issues by encouraging an increase in private vehicle use, resulting in prolonged gridlock.
In contrast
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, railways present a pragmatic solution by promoting public transportation as a viable alternative for mobility.
For example
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, a study published by TU Delft University in 2019 revealed that the development of the metro system in Amsterdam significantly reduced the reliance on private vehicles, making it one of the least congested capitals in Europe.
Therefore
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, compared to extending
road
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 infrastructure, investing in railways constitutes a more effective strategy for governments to address traffic
congestion
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. To summarise,I am thoroughly convinced that prioritizing
railway
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 development will empower economically disadvantaged individuals to access critical resources and serve as a superior mechanism for alleviating
road
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congestion
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.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear singular focus and links to the main argument effectively. While the ideas connect well overall, some transitions can be smoother.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed descriptions to make your argument even stronger. Although your ideas are clear, a little more depth will enhance the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly, providing a complete response that stays relevant throughout the discussion.
task achievement
Examples provided are specific and add weight to the argument, enhancing the essay's persuasive effect.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that articulate the main thesis effectively.
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