IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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Nowadays
museums
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 charge a certain fee for
people
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 to be admitted into the art gallery
while
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 some do not. In my view, I believe the benefits of charging
people
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 for
admission
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 are greater than the drawbacks. On the one hand, I believe it is paramount for
people
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 to be charged for
admission
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 in
museums
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 because these monies can be used to take
care
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 of its buildings and
also
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 to pay salaries for the workers. It is vital for an organisation to stand on its own and take
care
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 of its bills and salaries.
For example
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, in Bulawayo, a city in Zimbabwe, there is a big exhibition which renovated its building  with monies paid by individuals and
people
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 are charged
admission
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 fees which some
people
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 think is very ridiculous.
On the other hand
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, something
that is
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 for free tends to face abuse and is taken for granted. When
people
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 pay for getting into these exhibitions, they will take the tour seriously and will not take advantage of it.
Further
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, many
people
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 believe that the government has to cover the gallery. It should be understood that it is taking
care
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 of many things in the nations and if archives can cover their fees, it will lessen the burden on the government.
Thus
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, it should be noted that paying for something, helps
people
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 take that thing seriously. In conclusion, charging
admission
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 into these archives is being done nowadays
while
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 other
museums
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 are for free. The advantages of doing so outweigh the disadvantages because
museums
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 have to take
care
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 of their expenses and salaries.
Conversely
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, those who are allowed free entry into the museum, in most cases, do not take the facility seriously and tend to abuse it.
Submitted by pncubeterera on

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task achievement
In the body paragraphs, some points could benefit from further examples or elaboration. For instance, expanding on how government funds are strained and providing more specific cases of museums that thrive with admission fees would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Smooth transitional phrases should be consistently used throughout to guide the reader from one idea to the next. While the essay is coherent, ensuring that each paragraph and idea flows seamlessly can enhance readability and structure.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the discussion. This helps in setting the context and summarizing the key points eloquently.
task achievement
The main points presented are relevant and directly address the topic, which shows a good understanding of the question and task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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