IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays
museums
Use synonyms
 charge a certain fee for
people
Use synonyms
 to be admitted into the art gallery
while
Linking Words
 some do not. In my view, I believe the benefits of charging
people
Use synonyms
 for
admission
Use synonyms
 are greater than the drawbacks. On the one hand, I believe it is paramount for
people
Use synonyms
 to be charged for
admission
Use synonyms
 in
museums
Use synonyms
 because these monies can be used to take
care
Use synonyms
 of its buildings and
also
Linking Words
 to pay salaries for the workers. It is vital for an organisation to stand on its own and take
care
Use synonyms
 of its bills and salaries.
For example
Linking Words
, in Bulawayo, a city in Zimbabwe, there is a big exhibition which renovated its building  with monies paid by individuals and
people
Use synonyms
 are charged
admission
Use synonyms
 fees which some
people
Use synonyms
 think is very ridiculous.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, something
that is
Linking Words
 for free tends to face abuse and is taken for granted. When
people
Use synonyms
 pay for getting into these exhibitions, they will take the tour seriously and will not take advantage of it.
Further
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the government has to cover the gallery. It should be understood that it is taking
care
Use synonyms
 of many things in the nations and if archives can cover their fees, it will lessen the burden on the government.
Thus
Linking Words
, it should be noted that paying for something, helps
people
Use synonyms
 take that thing seriously. In conclusion, charging
admission
Use synonyms
 into these archives is being done nowadays
while
Linking Words
 other
museums
Use synonyms
 are for free. The advantages of doing so outweigh the disadvantages because
museums
Use synonyms
 have to take
care
Use synonyms
 of their expenses and salaries.
Conversely
Linking Words
, those who are allowed free entry into the museum, in most cases, do not take the facility seriously and tend to abuse it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
In the body paragraphs, some points could benefit from further examples or elaboration. For instance, expanding on how government funds are strained and providing more specific cases of museums that thrive with admission fees would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Smooth transitional phrases should be consistently used throughout to guide the reader from one idea to the next. While the essay is coherent, ensuring that each paragraph and idea flows seamlessly can enhance readability and structure.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the discussion. This helps in setting the context and summarizing the key points eloquently.
task achievement
The main points presented are relevant and directly address the topic, which shows a good understanding of the question and task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: