IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think having more TV channels is good because they will have more choices. While other people think too many TV channels only lead to a lot of poor quality TV programs. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #tv #channels #choices #quality #programs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Over recent years, more and more
people
 have differing ideas as regards
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the relationship between
quality
 and quantity of the number of
TV
channels
. One side says having more
TV
channels
 is better for more choices,
while
 others argue that the quantity causes a lack of
quality
 on
TV
channels
. I would argue that focusing on more productive and knowledgeable
channels
instead
 of its amount has benefits.
Firstly
, from my point of view, we need to understand how important it is what
people
 watch on television
channels
.
According to
 the statistics of the Media Research Institute, there is a big connection between the mindset of
people
 and which
TV
 series or shows they watch on a normal day, not only that, but
also
, it
influences
Rephrase
also influences
show examples
 to behaviour of
people
.
For example
, between 2011 and 2014, there were some popular
programs
 on television about intelligence competitions, and
as a result
, the number of
people
 starting university increased during that period. Another possible reason is that implementing
such
programs
 that have beneficial effects on
people
 encounters some difficulties
due to
 the investment and stimulation made for the
programs
. It is undeniable that making more
programs
 for
TV
 needs a lot of financial aid,
nevertheless
, we can reduce the number of
programs
 to increase the
quality
 of those.
For instance
, if we distribute our budget to a lot of
channels
, we will achieve neither scenario
quality
, nor a successful program for
people
. In conclusion, considering the investment issues and
connection
Correct article usage
the connection
show examples
 between the type of
programs
 and
people
's mentality, I have come to the conclusion that it is more necessary to stimulate fewer
TV
channels
for doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 a great job.
Submitted by elmiribrahimli377 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on the counterarguments to show a balanced view. Include a few sentences that argue for the advantages of having more TV channels and how increased variety can potentially benefit viewers.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring more fluid transitions between ideas, and improve logical flow by connecting ideas more directly.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that address both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the increase in university enrollments during the intelligence competition program era, are well utilized.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: