IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promotion and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products. What problems does this cause? What could be done to encourage people to buy local products?

#businesses #budgets #promotion #people #gravitate #products
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Investing significant money for presenting and
promotion
Replace the word
promoting
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bug
businesses
 leads them to attract many
people
 to buy their goods. In
this
 essay, I will explain the consequences and what should be done to communities to buy local
products
. A high level of marketing and promotion does not always bring quality. So,
people
 rely on them but over time they realize that these
products
 are not as valuable as they are presented.
Although
 they could return those items, it took their time
moreover
 that business put a negative aspect on their mind. Another problem is promotions lead
people
 to buy items which they do not need so it causes financial issues for communities.
In addition
, Competing with large
businesses
 is very hard for locals but it's possible. The main solution for
that is
 for local
businesses
 to provide cheaper
products
 with higher quality for
people
 and in
this
 case, they should give offers to communities for paying after they receive the items. The other procedure is to give a perception to society that by not using it their currency may face some issues. In summary,
people
 faced so many things
such
 as low levels of quality a financial issues and for local
products
 government and
businesses
 have to offer
people
 and be aware of the consequences .
Submitted by helia on

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task achievement
Work on providing specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mention a specific local business strategy that proved successful to illustrate your point better.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on the problem section to include a more balanced view of both short-term and long-term impacts of aggressive marketing by large businesses.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to maintain the cohesion of the essay. Try using more transition words and linking phrases.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the problem well and recognizes the significant impact of large business marketing strategies.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to address both parts of the question: identifying problems and suggesting solutions.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a coherent introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main idea effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • disrupts
  • entrepreneurship
  • economic diversity
  • monopolistic
  • financial power
  • homogenization
  • awareness campaigns
  • tax incentives
  • sustainability
  • artisan
  • eco-friendly
  • dominate
  • innovation
  • stifle
  • richness
  • cultures
  • traditions
  • highlighting
  • distinguish
  • superior
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