Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life

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Many people feel

competition

is necessary especially at work places, at studies and in daily lives,

whereas

some individuals feel, everyone should live in harmony and help one another. The biggest advantage of competing is growth, people tend to push their boundaries and excel.

While

due to

intense competitive environment, mental health of individuals are getting affected. Personally, I support a healthy

competition

and in

this

essay, I'll discuss

this

further

. There is a famous quote: "Necessity is the mother of invention". When we face

competition

we are challenged and that motivates us to give more efforts. If we are stable and satisfied, that will make us lazy and without any need for working hard, we will not progress as individual nor as a society.

For example

: During the cold war many great, ground breaking innovation occured as there was a need to excel in science and technology. In recent years many individuals are suffering from meantal health related issues. The competion in exams, getting jobs and working too hard is draining them to a point where they are boder line depressed.

For example

According to

a recent survey on 'Part-time job', performed by university students found that students are facing unrealistic expectation when they are applying for internships

due to

high

competition

. In conclusion, a healty

competition

is essential to motivate us and help us grow where as when we are facing unrealistic challenges, that could have a negative effect and will lead to depression. We should set acheivable goals.

Submitted by bhat.shweta17 on Sat Dec 21 2024

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Logical Structure

Make sure that your points are systematically structured. While the connection between introduction and conclusion is effective, some ideas could be better connected to enhance overall readability.

Introduction Conclusion Present

Your introduction is clear and sets up the discussion effectively, introducing both sides of the argument before stating your stance.

Relevant Specific Examples

You presented relevant and specific examples that reinforce your points, such as the mention of innovations during the cold war era and statistics from a survey on part-time jobs.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

innovation
productivity
excel
outperform
advancements
academic standards
work ethic
stress
anxiety
unhealthy rivalries
harmonious
supportive
collaborative learning
social skills
communication skills
sense of community
collective goals

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Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

1.1 ) The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Despite better access to education, many adults today still can not read or write. In what ways are they disadvantaged?

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole?