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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You are bored in your current job but you enjoy working for your company. You think you would be happier if you moved to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your employer. In the letter ask to be moved to a position in another department explain how you feel about your current position and your career say why you think changing your job would be good for you and the company

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Respected HR director, I am writing
this
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 letter to express my interest in a job posting in our partner project execution
department
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. I have completed 4 years with our esteemed organization in the pre-sales
department
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.
Due to
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 the below personal reasons, I feel that I can't able to put complete effort into
this
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role
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 going forward. In the pre-sales
role
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, I am required to
travel
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 to different parts of the world and on short notice to bring new customers. Though it was fine previously before my marriage, after I got married, I felt it was quite difficult to
travel
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, leaving my wife alone.
Hence
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, after a lot of contemplation, I made up my mind to move to a new
department
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, which offers less
travel
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. Since I am happy with the
company
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's culture, I wanted to move to our partner project
department
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 where
travel
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 is not mandatory, rather than moving out of the
company
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. Before I joined our
company
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, I had 5 years of experience in project execution and have excelled in that
role
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.
Thus
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, I believe I can easily adapt to that
role
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 and
hence
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, I believe
this
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role
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 change would both be beneficial for me and
as well as
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 for the
company
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. Looking forward to a response from you soon. Yours sincerely Ram

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task response
Your letter addresses all parts of the task effectively, providing clear reasons for requesting a transfer and explaining the benefits for both you and the company. However, ensure that each paragraph contains a single, clear idea to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
You have a good logical structure overall, moving from your current situation to your reasons for the request, and concluding with a summary. However, try to make transitions between the points a bit smoother for enhanced readability.
suitable writing tone
The tone of your letter is appropriate and respectful, which is essential for formal communication.
task achievement
You effectively explain your personal situation and how it affects your work, providing a genuine reason for the transfer request.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • appreciative
  • monotonous
  • unfulfilling
  • company culture
  • professional growth
  • passionate
  • transfer request
  • skill set
  • career advancement
  • boost morale
  • maximize potential
  • team synergy
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