IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is often said that crime is one of the main things that make the quality of life poorer. Crime in developed countries is one of the biggest problems in society. What are the causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to reduce it?

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Most
people
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 agree that
crime
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 is the biggest problem in rich
countries
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 and it makes life poorer. There are causes of increasing
crime
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 and there are some ways to reduce
crime
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 from developed
countries
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such
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 as the United States.
To begin
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 with, there are some causes of increasing crimes. First of all, in rich
countries
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, there are many poor
people
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 who live in poor places
such
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 as in slums. These
people
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 can not earn much
money
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 from jobs.
Therefore
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, these
people
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 need to steal
money
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 from citizens to get enough
money
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 for living and for food.
Moreover
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, there are some gangs in rich
countries
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.
For instance
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, in Japan there are yakuza. These groups are formed to beat the government which is getting worse by the year The government
people
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 earn a lot of
money
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 by doing nothing and they are doing whatever they want. There are some ways to reduce
crime
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 . First of all, it is important to protect
themself
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oneself
show examples
 from
crime
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.
For instance
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, learning how to defend from
crime
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 by learning boxing or other protection sports.
Additionally
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, there are many policemen around cities to protect citizens from
crime
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 so that police can catch many thefts.
Moreover
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, in recent days, police are trying to help
crime
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 to change
to
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into
show examples
 normal
people
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 by teaching them after they get caught.
Therefore
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, the rate of
crime
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 in many
countries
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 is getting less per year.
To sum up
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, there are some reasons that many of them are doing something bad.
However
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, there are many different ways to reduce
crime
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 in the city.

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task response
Expand on your main ideas with more examples, evidence, or further explanation to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall cohesion, perhaps by using linking words or phrases more effectively.
task response
Address the topic more comprehensively by exploring a wider range of causes and solutions.
task response
You have a well-organized essay with clear sections addressing causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion which summarizes your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • delinquency
  • deterrent
  • marginalized
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • socioeconomic status
  • stigmatization
  • surveillance
  • felony
  • misdemeanour
  • justice system
  • enforcement
  • sanctions
  • disenfranchised
  • peer pressure
  • substance abuse
  • white-collar crime
  • cybercrime
  • community outreach
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