IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #malls #fear #effects #society
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It is
concerned
Verb problem
considered
show examples
 by some
people
 that young
people
 spend too much of their leisure
time
 going shopping which might result in a negative impact on other teenagers and even society. In my opinion,
this
 Idea is totally wrong and the reason for my perspective shall be explained in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, shopping
malls
 provide young
people
 with valuable opportunities for social interaction. In an era where much of communication happens online,
malls
 serve as spaces where teenagers can meet friends and engage in face-to-face conversations.
This
 helps them build crucial social skills, fostering relationships that are important for personal development.
Additionally
,
malls
 offer various recreational activities,
such
 as cinemas, arcades, and food courts, which allow young
people
 to unwind and enjoy their free
time
 in a safe and enjoyable environment.
Moreover
, shopping
malls
 are typically well-secured and provide a safe environment for young
people
. Unlike other outdoor spaces,
malls
 are monitored by security staff, ensuring a level of safety
that is
 appealing to both teenagers and parents.
This
 controlled setting allows young
people
 to spend
time
 independently without the risks associated with unsupervised areas.
Furthermore
,
malls
 often host educational events, exhibitions, and charitable activities, providing cultural and developmental benefits that contribute positively to the growth of young individuals. In conclusion, I believe that the
time
 young
people
 spend in shopping
malls
 is not detrimental.
On the contrary
, it provides opportunities for social interaction, leisure, and safety, all of which contribute to their
overall
 well-being and development.
Submitted by caivankihh779 on

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task achievement
While the response is comprehensive, consider exploring a counter-argument. This would show you have considered alternative perspectives, strengthening your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph links smoothly with the next. This can enhance the flow of your writing further.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a coherent argument, maintaining a logical flow from introduction to conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph introduces a clear main point, which is well-supported by specific examples.
task achievement
The essay includes a focused and complete response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument and clearly stating the writer's position.
task achievement
The ideas are clear and comprehensive, with well-explained reasoning.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are used to support the main points effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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