IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, it is commonly seen that youngsters have a tendency to appear in some professional training to acquire an easy position rather
university
Correct word choice
than university
show examples
 study.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 process may enable them to get a quick solution, in the long run, they will not achieve remarkable success in their professional and personal life, because of narrowing professional opportunities and low-salary jobs. In light of the aforementioned reasons, I would argue that receiving higher studies has more advantages than only focusing on practical training.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,limiting professional opportunities can be detrimental to career progression.
While
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 many young people have a common belief in getting a survival job, some technical training can be enough for them, they would easily skip
further
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 education after
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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college. Even though advanced education will create more opportunities for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job seekers, they just avoid it because of their lack of interest in it.
For instance
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, taxi driving could be a good source for money income as it only needs driving skills, but ultimately, they find it a boring activity after a few years in most cases.
Hence
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,universities may play a major role in the global job industries among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers.
Additionally
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, low-salary jobs might be available to the young practical trainee. Since they have limited educational certificates,they may able to join
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entry-level jobs where they can get a small amount of pay. To give a clear example, some renowned global companies
such
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 as Google and Apple hire their employee on the basis of university results.
Although
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 they need to have additional training, their academic results have more value in
this
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 particular area. In conclusion, despite the fact that work-based training
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some advantages in terms of getting a quick and convenient career, it may be undeniable the necessity of higher learning because it not only helps to develop
professionalprofessinal
Correct word choice
a professional
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 career , but
also
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create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 access to high salaries.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure to balance your argument by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages, rather than focusing predominantly on the disadvantages of work-based training.
coherence cohesion
Add paragraph breaks between sections to make the essay's structure clearer. Use linking words and phrases to enhance the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more varied and precise vocabulary to articulate your points clearly. This can make your arguments more comprehensible and engaging.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and position, providing a clear argument for the preference of university education over work-based training.
coherence cohesion
The structure includes a separate conclusion summarizing the key arguments, highlighting the importance of higher education for career advancement and salary.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as those involving global companies like Google and Apple, add relevance and depth to the argument about the benefits of university education.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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