IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

A new generation of entrepreneurs believe that privately funded space tourism will be the next exciting development in space exploration. How true do you think this is ? How would space tourism affect space exploration as we know it today?

#generation #entrepreneurs #space #tourism #development #exploration
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Scientists
 believe that privately funded
space
 tourism will be the next exciting development in
space
 exploration. In
this
 essay, we will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
technology and travel that have side effects on
space
 exploration. From my perspective, I completely agree that
people
 are enjoying about
space
 tourism. One of the most popular factors is
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 because
people
 are passionate about seeing and experiencing new feelings and new places, and unfortunately,
people
 are started to hear about
space
 exploration and
space
 crafts on social media and TV programs.
Moreover
,
scientists
 and private companies are signing contracts to attract
people
for traveling
Change preposition
to travel
show examples
 to
space
 because it will cost hundreds of dollars.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, they just want to earn large amounts of money. Talking about technology, a new generation of entrepreneurs proved that they found water
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the moon and some other planets, so
people
 will find
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
 atmosphere for living there.
Although
 beside
this
 idea,
people
 and
scientists
 need to be ready to face strange creatures because it
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 hundreds of years, humans
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the earth and they cannot get current
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 about
solar
Add an article
the solar
show examples
 system. In conclusion,
people
 are enjoying to travel and know about solar
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 and planets, but for travelling to
space
, governments cannot invest lots of money.
Instead
 of
this
, private companies tend to do
this
 job. As a final note,
scientists
 need more time to prove other information to
people
.
Submitted by nargesamin0 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a relevant topic, but it could benefit from clearer organization. Consider using separate paragraphs more consistently for different points or ideas. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to provide more specific examples to support your claims. This will help clarify your main ideas and make them more engaging to the reader.
coherence cohesion
You gave a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a nice structure to your essay. This is good writing practice.
task achievement
Your essay engages with the topic of space tourism by discussing both travel and technology, showing a good understanding of the subject. Keep building on this knowledge for detailed discussions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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