IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people today feel that physical money will no longer be used in thefuture. Others feel it will still have some uses Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

It is true that
people
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 hold different views about whether physical
money
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,
such
Linking Words
 as coins and paper bills, is becoming less popular in modern society. Some
people
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 believe that it will still have certain functions,
while
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 I would argue that
cash
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 will disappear in future. On the one hand, paying with
cash
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 can be inconvenient and risky. Many
people
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 now use mobile phones to pay for things. Apps like Apple Pay are fast and easy, and
people
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 can use them under various circumstances,
for instance
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, on buses, in stores, or even for parking, which covers most
people
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’s daily needs. If a person loses their wallet, it is difficult to get the
money
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 back.
Also
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, carrying large amounts of
cash
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 can be dangerous, because carrying a lot of
money
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 is too noticeable in public places. Another reason is that online shopping is becoming more popular, and it only accepts digital payments. Because of
this
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,
cash
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 is no longer needed in many daily situations.
People
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 can buy clothes, food, and electronics, and even pay for services like movie tickets or travel bookings without leaving home. Statistics show that over 80% of
people
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 now shop electronically
instead
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 of using paper
money
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.
On the other hand
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, physical
money
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 still has its memorization meaning.
This
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 is because it is a symbol of human civilization.
Consequently
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, some outdated
money
Use synonyms
 can still be sold at a good price. In conclusion,
although
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 physical currency will still be useful in the near future, it will be replaced sooner or later
due to
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 its inconvenience and society’s technological development.

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task achievement
Make sure to expand on your ideas with more examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transition words to help the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more depth in your conclusion to give a stronger closing statement.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and you state it well in your introduction.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to illustrate your main points about cash use.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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