Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #schools #students #subjets #future #careers #subjects #music #sports

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Nowadays the majority of schools have

subjects

music

and sports,but some people think these are unnecessary

subjects

for academic

lessons

This

essay will discuss

firstly

the importance level of academic

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

then

shape it

with

Change preposition

show examples

adding some facts about

effects

Correct article usage

the effects

show examples

music

and sports in pupils' lives,

eventually

Add a comma

eventually,

show examples

it will be finished

with

Change preposition

show examples

involving my own perspective which is based on academics. On the one hand, academic

subjects

such

as mathematics, history and science are considered the foundation of education.

In other words

, they equip

students

critical

Change preposition

with critical

show examples

thinking, analytical skills and qualifications required for their future career

as well as

higher education.

For example

, mathematics is essential for 38% of careers

such

as finance and engineering,

while

history helps to preserve

cultural

Add an article

the cultural

show examples

and societal

value

Fix the agreement mistake

values

show examples

of nations. Physical education helps

students

to have energy and not to be lazy to do something,

Additionally

music

lessons

help

students

with their own hobbies, the majority of people in the world have their own hobbies like singing,drawing and others. The majority of schools have extra

lessons

music

or any sport(football,basketball,handball and others). There are

lessons

for

students

who have free time and they want to do something. It's okay if student have their own hobby

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they

also

can concentrate on other things. In conclusion, all of the

subjects

are important, because they have something special. Every lesson we should teach them exactly, all of them we should do in our lives.

Submitted by i.nureddinn on Sat Dec 21 2024

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task achievement

Try to elaborate more on each point to provide depth to your arguments. For example, you can discuss why some people value academic subjects over sports and music more thoroughly.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a more clear connection between ideas in your paragraphs to help the reader follow your argument. Using linking words and phrases can aid this process.

coherence cohesion

Work on creating a solid thesis statement in the introduction that clearly outlines the essay's direction and your viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction that sets up the topic effectively.

task achievement

Good use of examples to support your points, like in the discussion of mathematics' importance in certain careers.

coherence cohesion

The essay concludes efficiently by emphasizing the importance of each subject area.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

240 words

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Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Word Count

Counties are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

For centuries, important parts of education have remained, such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skills be made us a fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree?