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Band 4.5

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022. (rewrite)

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022. (rewrite)
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The data describes how parents divided
Use synonyms
night
Correct your spelling
nighttime
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time
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activites
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activities
 with their children during 2022.
Overall
Linking Words
, Mothers spent more
time
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 accompanying the
childen
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children
child
 during the
night
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 compared to the fathers. The fraction of
time
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 spent by the fathers stays relatively stable during all activities
unlike
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, unlike
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 the mothers
which their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
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 percentages
fluccuated
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fluctuated
fluctuate
 based on the task. During the year
of
Change preposition
apply
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2022, the mothers spent the most amount of evening
time
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 dressing their
childen
Correct your spelling
children
 with a percentage around 75%.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 they spent the least amount of
time
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play
Replace the word
playing
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 games with their kids during the
night
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 with a fraction of just above 20%. The fathers did not spend much
time
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 with the kids during the
night
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, but when they did, it was mostly doing homework, as that came in at 10%. The smallest percentage was dressing, with around 3%. When discussing
time
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 spent by both parents
togher
Correct your spelling
together
, The highest fraction would be playing games, as they spent the most
night
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time
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 during 2020 doing that,
whereas
Linking Words
 dressing came in at the lowest percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 with just over 20%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words night, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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