The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022. (rewrite)

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022. (rewrite)
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The data describes how parents divided
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

night
Correct your spelling
nighttime

The word night time seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

activites
Correct your spelling
activities

If you don’t want activites to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

with their children during 2022.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Mothers spent more
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

accompanying the
childen
Correct your spelling
children
child

If you don’t want childen to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

during the
night
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

compared to the fathers. The fraction of
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

spent by the fathers stays relatively stable during all activities
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter unlike the mothers which their percentages fluccuated based on the task. Consider adding the comma(s).

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the mothers
which their
Correct pronoun usage
whose

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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percentages
fluccuated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
fluctuate

If you don’t want fluccuated to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

based on the task. During the year
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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2022, the mothers spent the most amount of evening
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

dressing their
childen
Correct your spelling
children

If you don’t want childen to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

with a percentage around 75%.
In
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

contrast
Add a comma
contrast,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In contrast. Consider adding a comma.

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they spent the least amount of
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

play
Replace the word
playing

The word play doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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games with their kids during the
night
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with a fraction of just above 20%. The fathers did not spend much
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with the kids during the
night
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, but when they did, it was mostly doing homework, as that came in at 10%. The smallest percentage was dressing, with around 3%. When discussing
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

spent by both parents
togher
Correct your spelling
together

If you don’t want togher to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, The highest fraction would be playing games, as they spent the most
night
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

during 2020 doing that,
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

dressing came in at the lowest percentage of
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with just over 20%.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words night, time with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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