In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Nowadays, some
children
were be
told Wrong verb form
are
about
they can Correct word choice
that
got
anything they want if they work hard. There are some advantages and disadvantages of Change the verb form
get
children
receiving this
notion.
On one hand, this
massage
motivates Correct your spelling
message
children
in difficult times. When children
face challenges in their daily lives, they will not easily give up and keep making process if they have belief
that persistent efforts will lead to success. Add an article
a belief
the belief
For instance
, students
get dissatisfied scores Correct word choice
if students
in
Change preposition
on
the
examinations, they will work harder and harder and Correct article usage
apply
trying
to improve their performance Wrong verb form
try
in
next time if they believe that they will get Change preposition
apply
favorable
results after trying hard enough. Over time, these experiences can help Change the spelling
favourable
children
not only strength
their confidence but Replace the word
strengthen
also
promote their determination to purse
their dreams.
Correct your spelling
pursue
On the other hand
, there are many external factors such
as time, fortune, money
affect whether the goal can be achieved. Correct word choice
and money
This
massage
Correct your spelling
message
let
Wrong verb form
lets
children
only focus on personal effort and without consider
the other factors. In the case when Change the verb form
considering
children
try their best but still don’t get outcome
Add an article
an outcome
the outcome
which
they desire, they will feel upset and are unwilling to accept their failure. If the problems become more serious, Correct word choice
that
children
will loss
enthusiasm in their life or even Replace the word
lose
suffered
from mental Wrong verb form
suffer
problem
which Fix the agreement mistake
problems
is
harmful to Correct subject-verb agreement
are
children
health and personal growth.
In conclusion, Change noun form
children's
although
there are some benefits about
emphasising the vital role of working hard enough, there Change preposition
to
still
some drawbacks Add a missing verb
are still
need
to be Correct pronoun usage
that need
concerned
. Verb problem
considered
Children
need to properly recognized
the value of personal effort in achieving goals.Wrong verb form
recognise
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task achievement
Make sure to address both the advantages and disadvantages with equal depth and clarity in your essay. The task requires a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to better illustrate your points. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and serve their function well in the essay.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies both advantages and disadvantages, maintaining focus on the topic throughout.
task achievement
The writing reflects an understanding of how motivation can impact children positively, which is clearly articulated.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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