IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
 believe that it is important to spend a
hug
Correct your spelling
huge
show examples
 sums of
money
 on constructing new
railway
lines
 for
speedily
Replace the word
speed
show examples
 trains between cities in a number of
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
whereas
 others think the
money
 should be spent on developing existing public
transport
. In my opinion, I consider that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
constructing new
railway
lines
 can definitely be useful, but it is
also
 important to spend some
money
 to improve public transportation. On the one hand,
according to
 some, when the government spend a lot of
money
 to construct new
railway
lines
,
this
 would help propel to reach their destination easily.
In other words
,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 many
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 for public
transport
 will make it simple to
use
 and it assist
to save
Change preposition
in saving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time because it will be easy going.
For example
, in
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
people
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 about 2 hours to reach their destination but after providing bullet train it has become more comfortable.
As a result
, having
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
railway
 line may make public transportation more modern .
For
this
 reason, I agree with
this
 view.
On the other hand
, some
people
 claim that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 spending
money
 to improve existing public
transport
 will make it more attractive to
people
.
That is
 to say, when existing public transportation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 developed, that may make
people
 more
existing
Correct word choice
likely
show examples
 to
use
 it
instead
 of using their own cars and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 traffic jams.
For instance
, in Yemen
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transport
 is not in a good situation so many
people
 are not interested
to
Change preposition
in using
show examples
use
 it .
Thus
, if the existing public
transport
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 we can see the traffic jams in a good situation.
For
this
 reason, I
also
agree
Add the particle
agree to
show examples
 improve existing public
transport
 is important.
To sum up
,
while
people
 may
very
Correct your spelling
vary
show examples
 in their opinion, I think that, spending
money
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on constructing new
railway
lines
 is necessary,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is
also
 important to improve existing public
transport
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Work on having a clearer introduction and conclusion that summarize the discussion and your opinion more precisely.
logical structure
Try to structure your arguments more clearly by organizing them into well-defined paragraphs that directly answer the essay prompt.
relevant specific examples
Ensure that the examples used are specific and directly tied to the points you're discussing.
logical structure
Ensure your ideas flow logically from one to the next, with each paragraph building on the previous one.
complete response
The essay discusses both sides of the view, providing reasons for each.
supported main points
The points presented are supported with examples, which enhances understanding.
complete response
The essay showcases an attempt to balance the discussion and offer a personal stance on the subject.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: