IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

IELTS An increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve the problem?

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In recent years,
consumption
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 of products has increased significantly which causes many serious environmental problems
such
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 as pollution and global warming. The primary cause of
this
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 phenomenon is
people
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 are influenced by the wasteful lifestyle and the most viable solution is raising awareness among
people
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 about
this
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 issue. The natural environment is being threatened by the increasing
consumption
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 of items rapidly
due to
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 the wasteful culture. Modern life has forced many
people
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 to consume more than they need and affects them unconsciously by advertising companies and social media.
For example
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, after the Industrial Revolution in 1950, America had been bombarded by advertisements everywhere which influenced many residents to buy more than they needed and the rate of purchasing increased rapidly,
however
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, that led later to damage to some forests
due to
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 cutting wood.
However
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, a long-term solution for
this
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 problem is to increase awareness about the consequences of
this
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 issue. Demonstrating the results in the
consumption
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 of goods is encouraging
people
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 to stop buying and be conscious of the campaign’s aims.
For instance
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, school children in Germany were taught about the impact of
consumption
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 habits on the environment and how to avoid that effect through recycling and now they have one of the highest rates of recycling and
Add a missing verb
are
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more aware of how to preserve the environment. In conclusion, consumerism recently is the biggest problem in the world which has caused several environmental issues
due to
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 the wasteful culture that many
people
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 have. To solve
this
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 problem is about explaining the side effects of
consumption
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 on our planet

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task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses both parts of the task by explaining the reasons behind the increase in consumer goods production and its environmental impact as well as suggesting a solution. Continue to maintain this clarity in future tasks.
task achievement
To improve further, you might want to offer more than one potential solution or delve into one solution with more depth. Consider examining potential barriers or challenges to implementing your solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay flowed logically and was easy to follow. All parts were cohesively linked. Continue using clear linking words effectively as you've done in this essay.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, you might want to use more sophisticated connectors or transition signals in certain parts of the essay to guide the reader more smoothly between ideas.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion on the causes and potential solutions, making your ideas clear and compelling. This demonstrates strong task achievement.
task achievement
Your examples were relevant and specific, providing solid support for your points, particularly with the historical context and the modern example from Germany.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with a defined introduction and conclusion, ensuring the reader understands your argument from start to finish.
coherence cohesion
Your linking of ideas within and between paragraphs was well-executed, contributing to the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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