IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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in many countries,
people
Use synonyms
 now have longer life expectancy compared to the past days.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals think
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
people
Use synonyms
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
 more problems for the authorities, many believe there are
advatages
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advantages
having
Change preposition
to having
show examples
 an ageing population.
However
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, I believe that the drawbacks outweigh the potential benefits. The primary
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
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 of having elderly
people
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 is they need a lot of money to maintain their physical health. It means, their families need to save money for them to cure their illness.
Besides
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, the government should provide good quality
of
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apply
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healthcare to support them.
For instance
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, in Japan, the authorities spent around 30% of
State
Correct article usage
the State
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 Budget to cover the healthcare facilities for an ageing population in 2023. Another
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
disadvantages
 is they need someone to take care of them. If their families cannot take care
the
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of the
show examples
 elderly
people
Use synonyms
, they will send them to homecare.
Furthermore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who live with elderly
people
Use synonyms
 should spare their time to ensure they are in good condition. It will pose
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 burden for their families.
For example
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, taking care of parents is children's
responsibilities
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responsibility
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.
This
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 is the reason why many
people
Use synonyms
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 spend their time with their colleagues and friends.
As a result
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, their social life
tend
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tends
show examples
 to be not good. In conclusion, having
ageing
Correct article usage
an ageing
show examples
 population poses some challenges,
such
Linking Words
 as a lot of money that should be spent for maintaining their physical health and the time that should be sacrificed to protect them in their retirement.
Therefore
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, I believe that the merits are eclipsed by demerits.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction provides a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay. This helps guide the reader and sets a clear focus for the essay.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more detailed examples or evidence. This not only strengthens your argument but also shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in maintaining clarity.
task achievement
You address both advantages and disadvantages, showing an understanding of different perspectives.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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