Many peolpe say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others clain that it is bette to start work after school and gain experience in the worl of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?

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Most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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individual
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individuals
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think that with the completion of higher education levels
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apply
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one
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, it is possible to grab a higher quality job
while
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,
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apply
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few
believes
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believe
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that working before going to college will help the students to grab
work
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experience
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.
However
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, I agree with the latter opinion because
one
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can collect the
experience
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of
work
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and can
also
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develop intellectual
skills
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. It is a great
experience
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while
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doing
work
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after
school
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and helps the teenagers to enhance their knowledge about the
work
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.
Moreover
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, the
experience
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collected
on
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from
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previous
work
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will open the gates for better
work
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opportunity
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opportunities
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of
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in
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higher class
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higher-class
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jobs. With the help of that they can earn money for their higher level of education.
For instance
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, the survey done by Vietnam unveiled that students who start working after
their
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apply
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school
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will eventually have more knowledge and
experience
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of the
work
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.
Thus
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, they have the ability to do
one
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task in many different ways.
Additionally
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, intellectual
skills
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will be enhanced by doing
work
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after
school
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. To explain
this
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, by meeting
variety
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a variety
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of people
on
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in
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their
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work place
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workplace
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and by gaining insights into different perspectives, there is an improvement in their intellectual
skills
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.
For example
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, In
one
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of the famous
newspaper
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newspapers
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the Hindustan
times
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Times
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, there was an article which revealed that a person who
interact
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interacts
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most with the outer world,
have
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has
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gained more understanding about
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the psycgology
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psycgology
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psychology
of the people and
enhance
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enhanced
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their interpersonal
skills
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. In conclusion,
however
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completing
university
Correct article usage
a university
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level education is
also
Linking Words
a better way to attain a job, but, collecting
experience
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by doing
work
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after
school
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will help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers to grab
experience
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, earn money for their future
study
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studies
show examples
and to make
their
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up their
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
about the outer world.
Submitted by arshdeepkaur375 on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly introduces both sides of the argument to provide a balanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Work on developing your main points more comprehensively. Discuss both the advantages and possible disadvantages of both pathways to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Attempt to use more specific and varied examples to support your arguments, which will make your essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Ensure paragraphs are logically linked to enhance flow from one idea to another; this could be improved by using more linking words.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and maintain the reader's interest.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for good structure.
task achievement
You have addressed the question and given a clear position on the topic.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the survey done by Vietnam and the article mentioned in Hindustan Times, adds depth to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • indispensability
  • specialist knowledge
  • credentials
  • practical skills
  • networking opportunities
  • burden of student loans
  • immediate earning potential
  • digital economy
  • self-taught skills
  • lifelong learning
  • continuing professional development
  • academic qualifications
What to do next:
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