In some counties, when someone gets old, they often go to live in a home with other older people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
It is a practice in some nations that, when any member of the family
get
old, they move to old-age homes where Change the verb form
gets
there
are taken Correct pronoun usage
they
care
of by the nurses. Use synonyms
Moreover
, it is the governing bodies Linking Words
who
provide funds for Correct pronoun usage
that
such
Linking Words
care
. I, strongly Use synonyms
belive
that it is the family members who should spend Correct your spelling
believe
pn
their own for Correct your spelling
on
this
Linking Words
care
Use synonyms
,
because it is their moral responsibility to do so. Remove the comma
apply
Moreover
, the government has numerous other national responsibilities where Linking Words
this
money must be Linking Words
channelized
. Verb problem
channelled
This
essay will Linking Words
further
elaborate on the above viewpoints.
To commence with, our parents and grandparents spend their lives making multiple compromises in order to take good Linking Words
care
of us. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, they are our staunch support during our challenges. They struggle to earn sufficient money so that their children receive the best Linking Words
of
educational and medical facilities. When our elders reach their senescence, they become weak and fragile, Change preposition
apply
thus
needing someone to help and nurture them. Linking Words
Therefore
, as children, it is our moral duty to express our gratitude towards them by paying for the services they need during their old age. For illustration, in India, children Linking Words
who’s
parents stay in old-age homes, themselves pay for the nurses Correct your spelling
whose
along with
other daily facilities.
To add on, Linking Words
government
is a central body which is formed to Add an article
the government
take
important decisions for the country. It has an annual financial budget which needs to be Correct your spelling
make
spilt
for multiple purposes Correct your spelling
split
such
Linking Words
improving
the nation’s Change preposition
as improving
health-
Correct your spelling
healthcare
care
facilities, buying Use synonyms
state-of-the art
defence Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
equipments
to keep the national borders secure, generating new employment opportunities Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
along
Linking Words
with
strengthening the country’s education system. All Change preposition
apply
this
requires Linking Words
huge
amount of financial reserves. Add an article
a huge
Thus
, funding the nursing expenses of the entire older population will lead to Linking Words
depletion
of Correct article usage
the depletion
this
national money. Linking Words
This
will Linking Words
consequently
lead to Linking Words
reduced
annual budget for other crucial national developments, eventually putting the country’s progress at stake. Correct article usage
a reduced
For example
, to secure its national borders from Linking Words
terrorits
, India requires highly specialised defence equipment. Buying Correct your spelling
terrorists
this
is not feasible if funds are Linking Words
alloted
for Correct your spelling
allocated
allowed
allotted
nursing
of old people.
To recapitulate, in some nations the older population of a family shifts into old-age homes, to spend Correct article usage
the nursing
rest
of their lives with others like them and are looked after by the nurses. ICorrect article usage
the rest
,
think that the government must not pay for these services as it has various important national duties to cater to. Remove the comma
apply
Hence
it is the family members who must pay for their elders’s Linking Words
care
.Use synonyms
Submitted by vaishnavivardekar2209 on
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task achievement
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors such as "get old" instead of "gets old" and "are taken care of" instead of "there are taken care of". These can slightly disrupt the flow of your essay. Proofreading can help catch these errors.
task achievement
The inclusion of more detailed examples and a balance of both viewpoints could enhance your argument. Currently, the essay is mainly focused on why the family should pay but touching upon why some may believe the government should contribute could showcase a full grasp of the issue.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using transitional phrases to clearly delineate sections of your argument. This makes the essay easier to follow and enhances reader engagement.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly laying out the main argument and summarizing effectively at the end.
task achievement
The piece demonstrates a solid understanding of the task by arguing clearly in favor of family responsibility for elder care costs, acknowledging the moral duty and financial constraints of governments.
task achievement
Good use of an example related to India helps support your point effectively that families can and do take responsibility for elder care costs.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example