IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that books are losing importance as a source of information and entertainment. To what extent do you agree?

#people #books #importance #source #information #entertainment
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These days, a
littel
Correct your spelling
little
 individuals believe that
books
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
ont interersting
Correct your spelling
not interesting
 for
Add an article
the source
a source
show examples
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 of
informattion
Correct your spelling
information
. So, I
compeletly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 topic. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss
this
Linking Words
 view and give an example.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the one hand,
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
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 people have
technology
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the technology
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 and they are busy
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with application
show examples
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
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, they don'
t
Use synonyms
 have
a
Change the article
apply
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time to read
books
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.
Also
Linking Words
, they depend on e-
books
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, sometimes, they
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
Add an article
the website
a website
show examples
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
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 to research
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information that they need.
Thus
Linking Words
, they don'
t
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 read as before, because they
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
show examples
 with technology and they waste their time with it. So, now,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reading
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 become not important and it
doesn'
Verb problem
isn't
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t
Use synonyms
source
Correct article usage
a source
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 of knowledge, and
also
Linking Words
 they don'
t
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 know about the benefits of reading
books
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when they read a book, they will open
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their mind
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mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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. To illustrate, reading
book
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books
show examples
 help
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mind
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
 to think and
imagination
Replace the word
imagine
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it helps students to get extra information, when they study.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a lot of schools have
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
, and there are a lot of kinds of
books
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, but students don'
t
Use synonyms
 get support from teachers, they don'
t
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encourge
Correct your spelling
encourage
 them to read, they give them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time to choose a book and read ,
then
Linking Words
 they should give them a chance to talk about it.
This
Linking Words
 way will motivate them to read
books
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 and it
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
beneficial for their
mind
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, reading
books
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 are feeding the
mind
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, it develops them to speak well. In conclusion, I believe that teachers and parents should motivate students to read
books
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, because it is an interesting and they can touch the paper,
as well as
Linking Words
, they can write a
quite
Correct your spelling
quiet
show examples
 notice, it will help them to think.
Submitted by Loody on

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with specific examples or evidence to make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring that each idea flows smoothly into the next, with clear transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that it is expanded with coherent supporting details.
introduction conclusion present
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have attempted to address both positive and negative aspects of the topic, showcasing an understanding of different perspectives.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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