IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries,young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and strating university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. write atleast 250 words.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies #atleast
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Work
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 or
travel
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 for a period of
one
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year
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 between completing high
school
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 and joining
university
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 education is advised for young
people
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 in some nations. Taking a gap
year
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 to
work
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 or
travel
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 between high
school
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 and
university
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 is advantageous in that it promotes mental health and enables
time
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 for
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
.
However
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, young
people
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 may lag behind
and
Correct word choice
which
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also
Linking Words
 leads to increased rates of
drop out
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dropout
show examples
.
One
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 major advantage as to why it is encouraged to
work
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 or
travel
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 for
one
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year
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 before joining
university
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 for young
people
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 is because it promotes rest that leads to better mental health
,
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apply
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 since these young
people
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 are able to
travel
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 ,explore and unwind from the stressful academic environment they were in before joining
university
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.
Additionally
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 ,it gives ample
time
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
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 to make guided decisions on the courses to do
while
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 at the
university
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.
For example
Linking Words
 ,before joining
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university
Correct article usage
a university
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, a student may choose to do
internship
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an internship
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 in a related field they are interested in
,
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apply
show examples
 so that by the end of the period they are able to better decide if a related
university
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 course is fit for them.
On the other hand
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, taking a
year
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 off for
work
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 or
travel
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 before joining the
university
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 may lead to
increased
Add an article
an increased
the increased
show examples
 rate of dropout from the academic route and failure to advance to
university
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 because some of them may get satisfactory jobs which discourages them from going back to
university
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 after
one
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year
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.
For instance
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 ,if a high
school
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 graduate got a job as
shop
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a shop
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 attendant and got
a
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apply
show examples
satisfactory pay to meet his needs ,he may see no reason to continue with
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university
Add an article
the university
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. 
Furthermore
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, young
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 take a
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year
Change noun form
year's
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 break end up lagging behind.
For example
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, some courses studied at high
school
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 are very useful for
university
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 education and the longer a person stays without studying ,the primary knowledge learnt
while
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 in high
school
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 may be forgotten and
this
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 will take
them
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the
show examples
time
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 to catch up once they join the
university
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 after a
year
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. In summary ,whilst
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 beneficial for young
people
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 to take a
year
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 between finishing high
school
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 and starting
university
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,
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apply
show examples
 because it gives them enough
time
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 to ensure have made the right academic choice and its importance in mental health, there may
also
Linking Words
 be some negative effects to taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off like increased rate of drop out and academic delay.
Submitted by lucyakol07 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and all sentences relate to that idea. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Try to include more varied examples to strengthen your task response. This will help in demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is well-written, clearly introducing the topic and providing a clear thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task fully and presents a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as internships and shop attendant jobs, helps to illustrate the points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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