With more people choosing to watch travel programs on tv and social media , fewer people will be willing to pay the costs of traveling aboard To what extend do you agree

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The world is very different nowadays. Some
people
Use synonyms
prefer to show their
travel
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on social media or other websites on the internet . Most
people
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visit countries by travelling by air .I only partially agree with
this
Linking Words
idea . I completely agree that
people
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will pay the costs of travelling. I don’t agree with
people
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watching
travel
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on television and because of
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
they will not
travel
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.
This
Linking Words
essay will give information to support my opinion I agree one hundred per cent that
people
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should be going to
travel
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.
Firstly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travel
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by plane is a great notion . Everyone can visit the old traditional places and
this
Linking Words
is wonderful .
Also
Linking Words
,they can walk on the best streets in the country to shop and drink coffee .
Secondly
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,
travel
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makes friends.
Moreover
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, travellers will know more
people
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from all over the world . They can
also
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learn new information about other cultures.
Finally
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,
people
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often need
Fix the infinitive
to
show examples
travel
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to be happy . That change in
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
is amazing and everybody can enjoy
together
Correct pronoun usage
it together
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.
However
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, I do not agree with
people
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choosing to watch
travel
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on television and social media.
Firstly
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,
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
to watch about
travel
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takes time .
Also
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, that takes maybe five or six hours . That wastes time for
people
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between doing important things in life .
Secondly
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, that will make
people
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unhealthy .Everyone will sit for a long time .
Finally
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,
people
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need to take a break after work .
For example
Linking Words
, after
work
Add a comma
work,
show examples
people
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need to
travel
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with
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
family to enjoy and take new power to stay fresh . In conclusion, it is
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
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to see that I support the idea that everyone should pay the costs of travelling.
Moreover
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, I don’t agree that
people
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will watch
travel
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on television and
socialmedia
Correct your spelling
social media
and not
travel
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by alfred on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear position but could benefit from organizing ideas more effectively. Try structuring your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Ensure your examples are specific and directly related to your argument for a more convincing essay. You might want to include more detailed experiences or data to support your points.
introduction conclusion present
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your opinion well.
complete response
The essay addresses the task promptly, sharing your personal opinion and providing some supporting ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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