Of late, it is believed that students studying in secondary school and high school should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In today's era of modernisation,
money
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is very crucial.Everything is related to
money
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and
hence
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,recently, some people thought that pupils studying in secondary school and high school should be given
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
of
money
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management
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as it is a significant
life
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skill.I wholeheartedly agree with the
above stated
Add a hyphen
above-stated
show examples
opinion .The following paragraphs will
further
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elucidate my viewpoint . There are numerous reasons
of
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for
show examples
teaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cash flow
management
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to younger
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
Firstly
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,
money
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is very vital to
live
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living
show examples
happily .Even the basic necessities
such
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as food ,clothing and shelter come from
money
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.
For instance
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,as per
the
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a
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recent survey
India
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in India
show examples
,28% of
population
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the population
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is struggling to have
basic
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the basic
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amenities required to live
life
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.
Secondly
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,
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
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of confidence and freedom is developed when
children
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have
money
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in hand.The
children
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will be able to take decision small decisions on their own as they have
money
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and know how to use
properly
Correct pronoun usage
it properly
show examples
.Eventually,it will
also
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help them to become
an
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apply
show examples
independent .
For instance
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,in the United Kingdom,younger ones are encouraged to do part
part time
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part-time
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jobs and earn
money
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to teach them
money
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management
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.
Finally
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,I
also
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think that
,
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apply
show examples
teenager
age
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is the perfect
age
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to inculcate good values in youths.
This
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is the
age
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where
children
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interact and discuss with parents more than that of friends .
Thus
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,it will become easier for parents to teach students
money
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management
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.
Consequently
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,we are preparing our younger ones for their future so that they can excel in
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life
Correct pronoun usage
their life
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journey with
the
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apply
show examples
good marks.
To conclude
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,there are numerous reasons like happiness,feeling of confidence and freedom and
perfect
Add an article
the perfect
show examples
age
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to teach good morals which
supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
show examples
the fact that
children
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studying in high school or secondary education should be taught
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
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management
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.I firmly, agree with
this
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and
also
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believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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that by doing
this
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we are helping the future generation to live a good
life
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full of happiness and satisfaction.
Submitted by pskhandelwal13 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer paragraphing. Ensure each paragraph has a single main idea.
task achievement
While your points are clear, some ideas could be expanded. Consider including more examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a nice framework for your argument.
task achievement
You've effectively used examples and data to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
You have expressed your agreement with the statement clearly and provided several reasons to support your view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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