IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that zoos are cruel and morally wrong because they only keep animals in captivity. Others think that zoos play a variety of important roles aside from entertaining the public. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #zoos #animals #captivity #variety #roles
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Many people have
showed
Change the verb form
shown
show examples
 concern about the lifestyle
animals
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 have
adapted
Correct your spelling
adopted
show examples
 in zoos thinking that it's
morrally
Correct your spelling
morally
 wrong and savage,
while
Linking Words
 some others believe that it is more than okay to keep them in a closed
place
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 as it is a
place
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 for
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both thoughts
while
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 providing the advantages and
dissadvanges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
, solutions and a personal opinion.
Firstly
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, when a family want to
spend
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a great time anywhere their minds tend to go
zoos
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to zoos
show examples
, as it is not only amusing but
also
Linking Words
 could be educational for
childeren
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children
, meaning that they can have fun, learn something and maybe break their
kids
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kid's
kids'
show examples
 fear
from
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of
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
. These are all
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
things
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 about a
place
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 like that. It is quite understandable to enjoy a
place
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 like that as long as everyone follows the rules and
don't
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
show examples
 abuse the
animals
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 in any form.
On the other hand
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, the idea of a creature being torn away from their group, taken away from their family and nature could be
crule
Correct your spelling
cruel
 and harsh, not only that but
also
Linking Words
 keeping them in a
place
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that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 they are not able to move a lot as other
animals
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 is saddening.
However
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, a
numores
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numerous
 amount of
indvisuals
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individuals
 have expressed their feeling and
also
Linking Words
 shown the world how the workers and
vistors
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visitors
 mistreat these creatures by doing
things
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 they are most defiantly not allowed to do.
For instance
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, social media is filled with examples of those
type
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types
show examples
people
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of people
show examples
 as they feed them
things
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 they're not supposed to eat,
scaring
Wrong verb form
scare
show examples
 them off,
throwing
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throw
show examples
any object
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objects
show examples
 at them and many other
things
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. I personally believe that
such
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 creatures should not be restricted in a
place
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 like that as it can ruin their health and even
causing
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cause
show examples
 them death after being locked for too long.
Thus
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,
i
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I
show examples
 agree that zoos are fun,
although
Linking Words
 it is a disturbing
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place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 and there
is
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are
show examples
 many other ways to have an enjoyable time in life.
In
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addition
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addition,
show examples
 there
is
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are
show examples
 many other
things
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 relating to
animals
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that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
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pleasnt
Correct your spelling
pleasant
.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 the safari trips that could be taken anywhere in the world, you can visit and see the
animals
Use synonyms
 in their own land surrounded by their
familes
Correct your spelling
families
 which is more delightful, you are allowed to feed them, play with them and even interact with them in any form.
Submitted by mahaassiri113 on

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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Consider elaborating more on specific roles that zoos can play beyond entertainment, such as conservation and research, to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving coherence and cohesion by ensuring each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. Try to use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas effectively. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and directly supports your thesis.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim to provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph. This helps guide the reader through your arguments more seamlessly. The flow between thoughts can also be improved by reducing grammatical hiccups.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the two views and outlines what your essay will cover, providing a strong start.
task achievement
You've expressed a personal opinion, which is crucial for this task. This adds an individual perspective to the discussion.
task achievement
Real-world examples, such as mentioning social media's role in showcasing mistreatment, help ground your arguments and illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Captivity
  • Natural habitat
  • Psychological stress
  • Zoochosis
  • Endangered species
  • Breeding programs
  • Conservation efforts
  • Educational purposes
  • Ecosystems
  • Scientific research
  • Animal welfare
  • Species recovery programs
  • Zoological parks
  • Poaching
  • Habitat destruction
What to do next:
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