It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#money #lifestyle #illness #treatment #people

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Preventing a

disease

Use synonyms

condition is an indispensable part of

everyones

Change to a genitive case

everyone's

show examples

life.Some

people

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say that

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apply

show examples

it is vital to spend the

fund

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funds

show examples

for enhancing

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to enhance

show examples

a healthier lifestyle.

However

Linking Words

,other individuals believe that

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apply

show examples

money is

most

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

essential for treating the disorders.From my perspective,I totally agree with the statement that payment should

be invest

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be invested

be investing

show examples

to promote good physical

conditions

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.In

this

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essay,I will elaborate on my opinion in detail.

To begin

Linking Words

with,maintaining

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apply

show examples

good

health

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is an uphill task for humans.Most of the

people

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are suffering from

health

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issues.It is mainly occurring

due to

Linking Words

the population who follows

the

Correct article usage

show examples

unhealthy pattern of living.

Hence

Linking Words

,it is essential to make them aware

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

healthy way of going by providing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

programmes

such

Linking Words

campaign

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campaigns

show examples

Health

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education and awareness agendas.

For example

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,The American Heart Association, report shows that every year 50 per cent of

people

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are

affecting

Wrong verb form

affected

show examples

with

heart related

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heart-related

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problems.

This

Linking Words

is mainly happening

due to

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the person not

have

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having

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

adequate knowledge regarding the prevention of a

disease

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conditions

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condition

show examples

However

Linking Words

,it can overcome the diagnostic

conditions

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to some

extends

Replace the word

extent

show examples

.The Government should come forward with a helping hand to make them

concious

Correct your spelling

conscious

by investing some

fund

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funds

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

awareness programmes.

Furthermore

Linking Words

,improving the immunity power

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

to cut down the

disease

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problems in many methods.Like,introducing

the

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apply

show examples

food which

contain

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contains

show examples

nutritious,vitamins,minerals and other supplements

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

to improve the

health

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conditions

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of a citizen.

Along with

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that,it will help to reduce the rising number of patients in the hospitals

thus

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in turn,saving

further

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government expenses for treating the

people

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who are ill.

For instance

Linking Words

through

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apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

advertisements and social

medias

Correct your spelling

media

show examples

help to introduce

wide

Add an article

a wide

show examples

variety of healthy foods to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. In conclusion,

Government

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the Government

show examples

should encourage

the

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apply

show examples

people

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to prevent

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

illnesses.I believe that money is

essential

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an essential

show examples

tool for

conduct

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conducting

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health

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educations

Fix the agreement mistake

education

show examples

and other programmes

than

Rephrase

rather than

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treating

illnesess

Correct your spelling

illnesses

illness

.It will

aids

Change the verb form

aid

show examples

to prevent

Change preposition

in preventing

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

major

disease

Use synonyms

problems.

Submitted by renimahesan92 on Tue Dec 24 2024

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task response

While your introduction clearly presents your opinion, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that previews the main points you'll discuss in the essay. This helps guide the reader and strengthens the essay structure.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that all arguments and examples directly connect back to the thesis statement. Some points in your essay could be tied more explicitly to the idea of why prevention is preferable to treatment, enhancing the coherence of your argument.

coherence cohesion

Connect your ideas more smoothly from one paragraph to another using appropriate linking words or phrases. This will help improve the flow and coherence of your essay.

task response

When using data or reports (like the American Heart Association report), it would be more effective if you explain how this supports your argument in detail. Be sure to clarify the connection between examples and the point you are illustrating.

task response

Your essay identifies two main points to support your position: promoting awareness and improving nutrition. These points are relevant and well-selected for your argument.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your ideas and gives the essay a structured feel. Closing with a concise conclusion reinforces your argument effectively.

task response

You use examples, such as the American Heart Association report, to support your arguments. Including specific examples is crucial in IELTS essays as it illustrates points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
43
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

295 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive measures
chronic diseases
healthcare costs
public health campaigns
lifestyle-related illnesses
quality of life
health-conscious society
allocate funds
balanced healthcare system
comprehensive healthcare strategy

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It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adults. To what extent to you agree and degree?

Question：more students study abroad to learn new things today do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages？ is it positive or negative？ agree or disagree to what extent do you agree or disagree？

some people think we learn best through in-person interaction with a teacher in a classroom. others believe that online learning is more effective

The media has become too influential in peoples lives today and this is a negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?