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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think society could benefit more if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

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In modern society, there is an ongoing debate about whether more people should study
business
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 rather than
history
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.
While
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history
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 undeniably enriches our understanding of the past, I firmly believe that studying
business
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 offers more immediate, practical benefits. In
this
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 essay, I will explore how
business
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 knowledge prepares
individuals
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 for the modern
job
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 market and fosters entrepreneurial skills, which can be more relevant than a historical
education
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 in today's rapidly changing
world
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. First and foremost, the increasing influence of automation and AI across industries has led to significant
job
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 displacement. In 2023,
for instance
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, over 25,000 white-collar jobs were lost within just two months
due to
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 the introduction of AI technologies. In
this
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 climate, understanding how to run a
business
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—whether small or large—becomes essential for
individuals
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 looking to safeguard their careers. A plumber who runs his own
business
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,
for example
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, is more likely to continue thriving in a tech-driven
world
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 than someone relying solely on a corporate
job
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.
Thus
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, studying
business
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 equips
individuals
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 with the skills necessary to adapt to economic shifts and create their own career opportunities.
In addition
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,
business
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education
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 provides invaluable knowledge about legal frameworks and organizational practices that are essential for success in the professional
world
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. Subjects
such
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 as
business
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 law, corporate governance, and accounting are integral components of
business
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 programs and prepare
individuals
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 to navigate complex legal and financial challenges.
This
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 type of
education
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 helps avoid costly mistakes that can arise from ignorance,
such
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 as failing to comply with industry regulations.
In contrast
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,
while
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history
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 provides cultural and intellectual enrichment, it does not offer the same direct, practical tools for managing modern businesses or understanding today’s dynamic markets. In conclusion,
while
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history
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 can offer valuable insights into human
behavior
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behaviour
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 and society,
business
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education
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 is more relevant and practical for addressing the challenges of the contemporary
job
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 market. By providing skills in entrepreneurship, management, and legal matters,
business
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 knowledge helps
individuals
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 adapt and thrive in an ever-changing
world
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.
Therefore
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, focusing on
business
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 studies is more beneficial for
individuals
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 seeking long-term career security and success.

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Relevant Specific Examples
Although the essay provides relevant examples, consider including a broader range of specific instances or statistical data to strengthen arguments further.
Logical Structure
To improve cohesion, consider using a wider variety of transitional phrases to connect points and ideas within paragraphs more seamlessly.
Introduction & Conclusion Present
The essay includes a strong introduction and conclusion, framing the debate clearly and presenting your stance effectively.
Supported Main Points
The use of modern examples, such as the influence of AI and job displacement statistics, effectively supports your argument.
Logical Structure
The essay maintains good flow with a logical progression of ideas, reinforcing your argument well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • entrepreneurship
  • job creation
  • innovation
  • efficiency
  • cultural heritage
  • critical thinking
  • societal structures
  • financial literacy
  • strategic planning
  • informed decisions
  • tolerant communities
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