IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there are many arguments about the impacts of
cooperating
Replace the word
cooperation
show examples
 and
competition
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe
competition
Use synonyms
 in
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of things is necessary
while
Linking Words
 others disagree since they think team
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
 is more beneficial than competing against each other. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and present my own opinion. On the one hand,
competition
Use synonyms
 is useful in many ways. Most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, when
people
Use synonyms
involve
Wrong verb form
are involved
show examples
 in a
competition
Use synonyms
 they try harder to show their best performance.
For example
Linking Words
, if a school makes a
competition
Use synonyms
 in math assignments , we may observe more effort and
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
 from students
while
Linking Words
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal
circumstances
Add a comma
circumstances,
show examples
 they would not put all their effort
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 that.
In addition
Linking Words
,
competition
Use synonyms
 is like a race and everyone wants to win, which makes a motivation for an individual.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are other reasons that show why some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer cooperating rather than
competition
Use synonyms
. When you
are always think
Change the verb form
are always thinking
show examples
 about winning and
loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
show examples
, you put
your self
Correct your spelling
yourself
show examples
 under a significant amount of stress.
Additionally
Linking Words
, stress
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 many illnesses.
Moreover
Linking Words
, being in a
competition
Use synonyms
 and
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
dissapointment
Correct your spelling
disappointment
 and low
self-steam
Correct your spelling
self-esteem
show examples
 in
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, working together as a team
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 lots of benefits.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a task requires different skills , gathering a group of
people
Use synonyms
 to help would be more satisfying and
also
Linking Words
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
 in better outcomes.
To conclude
Linking Words
, being in a
competition
Use synonyms
 can release more passion and motivation
while
Linking Words
 can cause many health and mental problems. I personally believe working as a team would be more beneficial than being in a race with others.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay presents a clear response to the task, discussing both competition and cooperation. However, it could benefit from more specific examples to illustrate the points made, particularly in relation to the benefits of cooperation.
task achievement
The essay presents clear ideas, but at times, the argument could be developed more comprehensively. Consider expanding on how cooperation can be applied effectively in various settings, not just focusing on the potential stress of competition.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of competition to the drawbacks of stress could be made smoother by connecting the two points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively outline the main points and summarize the writer's standpoint.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with the viewpoints on competition and cooperation clearly delineated and discussed in separate paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the issue and the conclusion summarizes the writer's opinion effectively, which strengthens the overall clarity of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: