IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #parents #members #grandparents #care #children #childcare #centres
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Recently, in order to earn a decent living, both parents need to work leaving the
children
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 in need of
care
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 by someone else.
while
Linking Words
 some employed parents think relatives can provide
care
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 for their
children
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, others advocate for childcare
centers
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centres
show examples
 as the effective method of
care
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. In my opinion,
professional
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a professional
show examples
care
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center
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centre
show examples
 is the best and it
decrease
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decreases
show examples
burden
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the burden
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 on family members. On the one hand, family members especially grandparents having
kids
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 under their
care
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 will be able to teach them about family ethics/culture and can focus on
minimal
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a minimal
the minimal
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 number of
children
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, unlike
care
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centers
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centres
show examples
. Having few
kids
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 around will increase the sense of
responsility
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responsibility
 and give the relatives
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the privilage
show examples
privilage
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privilege
 to pay attention
of
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to
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 the
kids
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.
Moreover
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, family beliefs and values can
be easily install
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be easily installed
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 in them without being
caution
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cautious
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 of the
paents
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parents
patients
reations
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reactions
relations
.
On the other hand
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,
care
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 organisations provide training based on their qualification and
this
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 can enable
children
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 to experience professional
care
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the
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and the
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 opportunity to learn among their peers.
This
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 way, a child does not only benefit from the given
,
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apply
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 but
also
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get
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gets
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 the chance to play and socialize with various
kids
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 from different environments, which can increase their ability to cope with
real life
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real-life
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 situations in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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later life. In conclusion, there is no doubt that family members can provide evident childcare, but it is crucial to consider the workload and inconveniences it might cause to them.
Submitted by lizzieyohana on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion. However, more specific examples and data would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Some ideas could be expanded or clarified to ensure thorough understanding, especially when discussing the benefits of childcare centers.
coherence cohesion
While there is a clear introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs need better linkage to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay successfully presents both viewpoints on the topic and provides a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Good use of comparative language when highlighting the differences between family care and professional centers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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