Some people think government should ban dangerous sports; others, however, believe that people should be free to do whatever they choose. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In the current era, it is a pervasive belief among a high number of
people
Use synonyms
that authorities must avoid doing adventure activities,
while
Linking Words
others think individuals have a selection right to do anything. Since doing
exercise
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depends on
favourite
Correct pronoun usage
your favourite
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and interest in
community
Add an article
the community
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, I highly support the second side. In the following paragraphs, both points of view will be discussed.
To begin
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with, the
government
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can ban dangerous activities in society because of their harmless impacts. To put it another way,
people
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may not be aware of the risks of some play and tend to
exercise
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them regularly. In
this
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case, the
government
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has a responsibility to ban these ones in order to decrease risk.
Further
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, numerous
publicmay
Correct your spelling
public may
publicly
follow doing
sports
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because of their friend's influence. If they had trained well in
this
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field, they would have been in more danger than professional
people
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.
As a result
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,
government
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helps
people
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to decrease the frequency of injuries and even the danger of death.
On the other hand
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, every person has a typical right to act whatever they select. It is worth noticing that doing
exercise
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has a crucial role in our daily routines.
Sports
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not only keep
people
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fit and healthy, but they
also
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assist
people
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to feel happiness and peace. When it comes to dangerous,
sports
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, it should not be forgotten that
this
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type of activity has a huge impact on releasing emotions and eventually
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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mental issues.
For example
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, when a boxer
hit
Wrong verb form
hits
show examples
a fist
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
a heavy thing to
exercise
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and prepare themselves for contests, they will have a sense of
peacefull
Correct your spelling
peaceful
relaxation which
finally
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helps them to make progress more and more.
To conclude
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,
although
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some believe that doing dangerous actions must be avoided by the
government
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, others highly recommend doing every lovely activity. I strongly reaffirm that all
sports
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seem enjoyable and others should respect someone else
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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without interfering or
avoiding
Correct pronoun usage
avoiding them
show examples
.
Submitted by mziarati2 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas are clearly expressed and well-structured within the paragraph for enhanced clarity. Some sentences may be split or reorganized for clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to substantiate your claims and illustrate points better. This will strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines both perspectives on the issue.
complete response
You present two perspectives on the issue effectively, indicating a balanced discussion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion encapsulates the writer's viewpoint well, summarizing the argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom of choice
  • public safety
  • healthcare costs
  • government responsibility
  • economic impact
  • personal development
  • resilience
  • risk-taking
  • regulated
  • fatalities
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